HELLO EVERYONE. .....THIS LETTER IS FROM A BROKEN HEART! MY HUSBAND LEFT IN OCTOBER 2016'AFTER I CONFRONTED HIM WITH A TEXT I SNOOPED AND FOUND ON HIS HEAVILY PASSWORDED PHONE. (WELL FOR ME TO HAVE GOTTEN HIS PASSWORD GOES A LONG WAY TO TELL YOU HOW MUCH DETERMINATION I HAD TO JUST GET TRU THAT PHONE) HE WAS SEX CHATING NOT JUST ONE BUT DIFFERENT WOMEN. TO CUT THE LONG STORY SHORT, THIS LIER PACKED UP HIS THINGS AND LEFT. LEFT ME WITH TWO TODDLERS.WE HAD TO PAY BILLS 'HE NEVER BROT OUT A DIME NOR DID HE ASSIST WITH SCHOOL FEES.SAME MAN WHO CLAIMED HE HAD NOTHING RENTED AN EXPENSIVE APARTMENT AND NEVER VISITED. THIS HAS BEEN A MARRIAGE OF PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL ABUSE. OCT NOV DEC WE NEVER SAW HIM. I HAD TO PICK MY SELF UP AND DID THE LITTLE I COULD DO AND TRAVELLED WITH MY KIDS FOR XMAS. GETTING BACK TO MY HOME IN JAN I DISCOVERED MY DOORS WERE ALL BROKEN 'TV SET GONE. ...MY HUSBAND HAD RETURNED TO RAID MY HOME TAKING ALMOST EVERYTHING IN THE HOUSE.I HAD TWO PLASMA TV THE FIRST YEAR WE GOT MARRIED (HE DESTROYED THEM DURING AN ARGUMENT ) HE DESTROYED SO MANY STUFFS I BOT WITH MY MONEY. SO THE THINGS HE TOOK AWAY WERE MOSTLY GOTTEN MY HIM. WELL. .....I GOT BACK FROM XMAS CRIED MY EYES OUT AND WITHIN A WEEK I REPLACED IT ALL SO MY KIDS CAN HAVE A COMFORTABLE PLACE TO CALL HOME. (I CAN'T AFFORD A NEW PLACE FOR NOW I WOULD HAVE CHANGED LOCATION. JUST LAST WEEK LOW AND BEHOLD MY HUSBAND COMES TO MY HOME TO PLEAD AND SEE HIS KIDS. HE KNELT DOWN AND ASKED FOR FORGIVENESS. ...I FORGAVE HIM NOT BECAUSE IM STUPID BUT BECAUSE FOR MONTHS I HAD CARRIED A HEAVY HEART WHICH WASNT DOING MY HEALTH ANY GOOD. I NOTICED HE STARTED LEAVING HIS TOOTHBRUSH. ..SLIPPERS. ..LAPTOP BAG....JEANS...BEHIND IN MY HOME. SLEPT OVER FOR TWO DAYS. ..TOOK US OUT AS A FAMILY ON A SATURDAY...I COULD SEE MY KIDS WERE HAPPY TO HAVE DADDY BACK. FINALLY WE HAD SEX AND I HAD TO ASK HIM IF HE WAS READY TO RETURN TO HIS HOME SO WE COULD GET BACK TO BEING FAMILY AGAIN. I TOLD HIM THE RENT IS ALMOST DUE (WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS) ARE WE STILL GONNA REMAIN HERE OR ARE WE GETTING A NEW PLACE. MY HUSBAND WENT STRAIT INTO MY ROOM PACKED UP HIS STUFFS AND LEFT. ....MY HUSBAND LEFT IN THE NIGHT OF VALENTINE. I FELT USED AGAIN. I FELT STUPID I FELT CHEAP. I TEXTED HIM AND SAID. ...OH THANKS FOR LEAVING AGAIN I HAD NO CLUE U WERE ONLY HERE FOR THE SEX.HE TEXTED BACK SAYING: YOU KNOW WE STILL HAVE UNRESOLVED ISSUES. .... (SO WE HAVING A FAMILY OUTING. HAVING SEX. ..WATCHING TV TOG3TGER WAS US STILL HAVING UNRESOLVED ISSUES? I CALLED UP HIS ELDER SIS AND TOLD HER STRAIT UP : I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOUR BROTHER AGAIN ANYWHERE CLOSE TO MY HOUSE.I TOLD HER HE CAME TO MY HOME FOR A WEEK JUST TO HAVE SEX AND WOMAN TO WOMAN 'I FEEL USED! I TOLD MY HUSBAND TOO NEVER TO SHOP HIS FACE CLOSE TO ME OR MY KIDS EVER AGAIN. I AM BACK TO MY OLD DEPRESSED SELF 'WHEN I LOOK AT MY KIDS I HATE THEM BECAUSE I SEE THEIR DAD. I HATE I EVER MET THIS MAN IN THIS LIFE. I WISH OUR PATHS NEVER CROSSED. IM SAD AND IM TINKING OF FILING FOR DIVORCE. SOMEONE SHOULD PLEASE
I absolutely understand your pain but one sentence in your note stuck out for me and that is "I hate my kids because I see their dad". You need to address the incredible pain you feel because you simply cannot let it affect your children in this way. They are undoubtedly hurt too by his behaviour. They are victims in this too. And your job as their mother is to help them navigate their own pain through this. I hope you will file for divorce. But more than that, I hope you'll find yourself a therapist who can help you begin to sift through all your pain. Please.
I'm sorry for all the pain you've been through. It sounds like you are one decision away from a different life. You are worth more than you have realized up to this point. Your children need you.
Well Anonymous! I do believe your lucky HE LEFT, and you didn't STICK IT OUT and go through life with a liar, who you resented, and wishing that he would leave...Cuz that's what I did! I tried to throw him out 3x's, after having multiple online affairs but he wouldn't go. Write me if you want at Coey141@gmail.com Always wanted to talk to someone who's husband cheated in the same way as mine did. Good luck.
So sorry you are going through this anon! I will say I struggle around one of my kids birthdays since right around when she was born was when my husband started both affairs. It is so hard to comprehend since they lasted for 10 years. I had confronted him through the years and he denied anything every happening at all with another woman. I also have a hard time with connections to trips and holidays. I have this stack of amazing cards, poems, notes and also great gifts he gave me through all those years. So it was and still can be confusing how someone can do what he did but still treat me the way he did.
That first year I wanted to go away and just have him deal with my child's birthday. I struggled to even think about it. It was crushing since kids love these events in their lives and all I felt was sadness and resentment towards him. And the birthday was a reminder. It made me look back and question everything. It has taken a lot of time and work but now the one thing I am most thankful are my kids. And as others say we need to be there for them as parents. After dday I pretty much put my effort all into myself and the kids. It was more basic needs at first but even now almost two years past I find I have refocused on me, us and them. I have a much smaller inner circle and choose not to spend a lot of time with others.
Anon I totally get why your angry and hurt .. you have every reason to hate your h right now but like Elle that sentence about hating your kids really stood out for me .. I hope you get some help anon talk to someone let them know how your feeling, ask for help with the children don't keep this inside.. I'm really pleased you reached out here.. we know how your feeling and we got your back.. your doing a fantastic job at looking after your toddlers in the circumstances but if your feeling low in mood please speak with your doctor or health visitor they are there to support you..please keep us posted.. sending you hugs xx
Your children are going to need therapy too. I'm with Elle, please don't take your hatred for him out on your children. If you feel like you are going to harm them in any way please find someone to take them until you can wrap your mind around what it happening in your life. Get the therapy!!!
You have PTSD and need help, your strong but all this is too much. Your in over your head. Get help please. My heart breaks for you that makes me cry. You are abused and betrayed. Get your self up and see a lawyer, you need a plan B but quick. I was just like you and speak from experience. This financial stuff is like a black cloud and daily crisis. My heart is crying the big bo ho tears.
HELLO EVERYONE. .....THIS LETTER IS FROM A BROKEN HEART! MY HUSBAND LEFT IN OCTOBER 2016'AFTER I CONFRONTED HIM WITH A TEXT I SNOOPED AND FOUND ON HIS HEAVILY PASSWORDED PHONE. (WELL FOR ME TO HAVE GOTTEN HIS PASSWORD GOES A LONG WAY TO TELL YOU HOW MUCH DETERMINATION I HAD TO JUST GET TRU THAT PHONE) HE WAS SEX CHATING NOT JUST ONE BUT DIFFERENT WOMEN. TO CUT THE LONG STORY SHORT, THIS LIER PACKED UP HIS THINGS AND LEFT. LEFT ME WITH TWO TODDLERS.WE HAD TO PAY BILLS 'HE NEVER BROT OUT A DIME NOR DID HE ASSIST WITH SCHOOL FEES.SAME MAN WHO CLAIMED HE HAD NOTHING RENTED AN EXPENSIVE APARTMENT AND NEVER VISITED. THIS HAS BEEN A MARRIAGE OF PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL ABUSE. OCT NOV DEC WE NEVER SAW HIM. I HAD TO PICK MY SELF UP AND DID THE LITTLE I COULD DO AND TRAVELLED WITH MY KIDS FOR XMAS. GETTING BACK TO MY HOME IN JAN I DISCOVERED MY DOORS WERE ALL BROKEN 'TV SET GONE. ...MY HUSBAND HAD RETURNED TO RAID MY HOME TAKING ALMOST EVERYTHING IN THE HOUSE.I HAD TWO PLASMA TV THE FIRST YEAR WE GOT MARRIED (HE DESTROYED THEM DURING AN ARGUMENT ) HE DESTROYED SO MANY STUFFS I BOT WITH MY MONEY. SO THE THINGS HE TOOK AWAY WERE MOSTLY GOTTEN MY HIM. WELL. .....I GOT BACK FROM XMAS CRIED MY EYES OUT AND WITHIN A WEEK I REPLACED IT ALL SO MY KIDS CAN HAVE A COMFORTABLE PLACE TO CALL HOME. (I CAN'T AFFORD A NEW PLACE FOR NOW I WOULD HAVE CHANGED LOCATION. JUST LAST WEEK LOW AND BEHOLD MY HUSBAND COMES TO MY HOME TO PLEAD AND SEE HIS KIDS. HE KNELT DOWN AND ASKED FOR FORGIVENESS. ...I FORGAVE HIM NOT BECAUSE IM STUPID BUT BECAUSE FOR MONTHS I HAD CARRIED A HEAVY HEART WHICH WASNT DOING MY HEALTH ANY GOOD. I NOTICED HE STARTED LEAVING HIS TOOTHBRUSH. ..SLIPPERS. ..LAPTOP BAG....JEANS...BEHIND IN MY HOME. SLEPT OVER FOR TWO DAYS. ..TOOK US OUT AS A FAMILY ON A SATURDAY...I COULD SEE MY KIDS WERE HAPPY TO HAVE DADDY BACK. FINALLY WE HAD SEX AND I HAD TO ASK HIM IF HE WAS READY TO RETURN TO HIS HOME SO WE COULD GET BACK TO BEING FAMILY AGAIN. I TOLD HIM THE RENT IS ALMOST DUE (WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS) ARE WE STILL GONNA REMAIN HERE OR ARE WE GETTING A NEW PLACE. MY HUSBAND WENT STRAIT INTO MY ROOM PACKED UP HIS STUFFS AND LEFT. ....MY HUSBAND LEFT IN THE NIGHT OF VALENTINE. I FELT USED AGAIN. I FELT STUPID I FELT CHEAP. I TEXTED HIM AND SAID. ...OH THANKS FOR LEAVING AGAIN I HAD NO CLUE U WERE ONLY HERE FOR THE SEX.HE TEXTED BACK SAYING: YOU KNOW WE STILL HAVE UNRESOLVED ISSUES. .... (SO WE HAVING A FAMILY OUTING. HAVING SEX. ..WATCHING TV TOG3TGER WAS US STILL HAVING UNRESOLVED ISSUES? I CALLED UP HIS ELDER SIS AND TOLD HER STRAIT UP : I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOUR BROTHER AGAIN ANYWHERE CLOSE TO MY HOUSE.I TOLD HER HE CAME TO MY HOME FOR A WEEK JUST TO HAVE SEX AND WOMAN TO WOMAN 'I FEEL USED! I TOLD MY HUSBAND TOO NEVER TO SHOP HIS FACE CLOSE TO ME OR MY KIDS EVER AGAIN. I AM BACK TO MY OLD DEPRESSED SELF 'WHEN I LOOK AT MY KIDS I HATE THEM BECAUSE I SEE THEIR DAD. I HATE I EVER MET THIS MAN IN THIS LIFE. I WISH OUR PATHS NEVER CROSSED. IM SAD AND IM TINKING OF FILING FOR DIVORCE. SOMEONE SHOULD PLEASE
ReplyDeleteI absolutely understand your pain but one sentence in your note stuck out for me and that is "I hate my kids because I see their dad". You need to address the incredible pain you feel because you simply cannot let it affect your children in this way. They are undoubtedly hurt too by his behaviour. They are victims in this too. And your job as their mother is to help them navigate their own pain through this.
DeleteI hope you will file for divorce. But more than that, I hope you'll find yourself a therapist who can help you begin to sift through all your pain.
Please.
I'm sorry for all the pain you've been through. It sounds like you are one decision away from a different life. You are worth more than you have realized up to this point. Your children need you.
DeleteWell Anonymous! I do believe your lucky HE LEFT, and you didn't STICK IT OUT and go through life with a liar, who you resented, and wishing that he would leave...Cuz that's what I did! I tried to throw him out 3x's, after having multiple online affairs but he wouldn't go. Write me if you want at Coey141@gmail.com
DeleteAlways wanted to talk to someone who's husband cheated in the same way as mine did.
Good luck.
So sorry you are going through this anon! I will say I struggle around one of my kids birthdays since right around when she was born was when my husband started both affairs. It is so hard to comprehend since they lasted for 10 years. I had confronted him through the years and he denied anything every happening at all with another woman. I also have a hard time with connections to trips and holidays. I have this stack of amazing cards, poems, notes and also great gifts he gave me through all those years. So it was and still can be confusing how someone can do what he did but still treat me the way he did.
DeleteThat first year I wanted to go away and just have him deal with my child's birthday. I struggled to even think about it. It was crushing since kids love these events in their lives and all I felt was sadness and resentment towards him. And the birthday was a reminder. It made me look back and question everything. It has taken a lot of time and work but now the one thing I am most thankful are my kids. And as others say we need to be there for them as parents. After dday I pretty much put my effort all into myself and the kids. It was more basic needs at first but even now almost two years past I find I have refocused on me, us and them. I have a much smaller inner circle and choose not to spend a lot of time with others.
Anon I totally get why your angry and hurt .. you have every reason to hate your h right now but like Elle that sentence about hating your kids really stood out for me .. I hope you get some help anon talk to someone let them know how your feeling, ask for help with the children don't keep this inside.. I'm really pleased you reached out here.. we know how your feeling and we got your back.. your doing a fantastic job at looking after your toddlers in the circumstances but if your feeling low in mood please speak with your doctor or health visitor they are there to support you..please keep us posted.. sending you hugs xx
ReplyDeleteYour children are going to need therapy too. I'm with Elle, please don't take your hatred for him out on your children. If you feel like you are going to harm them in any way please find someone to take them until you can wrap your mind around what it happening in your life. Get the therapy!!!
ReplyDeleteYou have PTSD and need help, your strong but all this is too much. Your in over your head. Get help please. My heart breaks for you that makes me cry. You are abused and betrayed. Get your self up and see a lawyer, you need a plan B but quick. I was just like you and speak from experience. This financial stuff is like a black cloud and daily crisis. My heart is crying the big bo ho tears.
ReplyDelete