Do men and women cheat for different reasons?

I was recently contacted by a reporter researching an article for why men cheat. And in answering her question, I got thinking myself about why men cheat and whether or not the reason(s) can be distilled to one or two. Having heard the stories of literally hundreds of betrayed wives, it seems the main reason men cheat is that they like the reflection of themselves they see in another's eyes. Most – not all, but most – men don't want to lose their marriages and wives. They simply get lured in by the heady sensation of being desired, sexy, interesting...all those feelings we all felt at the beginning of a relationship, but which eventually gave way to feeling loved, respected, and, perhaps too often, taken for granted.

Rather than spice up their own marriages, they take the easy route offered by women who are frequently looking for the same thing: the chance to feel special again.

I know it's not that simple and, of course, there are all sorts of mitigating factors, often going right back to childhood.

But if I had to simplify the reason, there it is.

Thoughts?

Why Women Stay with Men Who Cheat

I was recently interviewed for an article on Why Women Stay with Men Who Cheat. You can read it here.

Of course, the article offers up arguments for both sides -- why a women would simply walk out (for starters, if he plans to carry on the affair) or why she might stay.

The fact that we're asking the question why is indication that society – those who haven't necessarily been in our shoes – are still a bit baffled. Admittedly, I was, too. I've met many many women who've been cheated on and without fail all of them (and me!) had always maintained that infidelity was a deal-breaker. Now?? Not so much...

Damned if I do, and damned if I don't is how many women feel in the wake of discovering their husband's infidelity. If they stay, they fear looking – and feeling – like a doormat, implicitly suggesting that their husband's actions were acceptable. If they leave, they often wonder if they're giving up too soon, or if their kids will be okay (or, perhaps, blame Mom). Either way, they risk regret.

The conventional wisdom is to try to avoid making any big decisions for anywhere from six months to a year, assuming your husband has broken it off (honestly!) and willing to work it out. And assuming you'd like it to work, too. That gives your traumatized brain a chance to start thinking clearly. It gives both of you the chance to take a proverbial deep breath. It doesn't necessarily mean you need to BE together. In some cases, a physical separation can give both of you the space you need. It just means that making the lifelong decision to divorce can be held off until you're absolutely sure.