Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Is Time the Great Healer...or Are You?

They say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.~Andy Warhol

I was often reassured by the books I read during my great D-Day read-and-ye-shall-find-wisdom marathon that time would ease the pain of betrayal.
And, at first, I scoffed. I would never, EVER stop feeling such agony, I was sure. Things would never, EVER be the same again. And though I do have a flair for the dramatic, I was right about things never being the same. I was wrong, however, about time. My hurt did, in fact, lessen with time.
But did time work its magic...or did I?
Within many of my posts on this site, you'll find my reassurance that betrayed wives will feel better with time. But Warhol's quote has me questioning that promise. Is it time that heals? Or are we our own healers?
I know a woman who still weeps for love lost more than a decade ago. Is it that time isn't working for her? Or is she not doing the work?
It boils down to a choice: you can (A) wallow in your own misery, blaming everyone around you and cultivating bitterness (A is a darn attractive option in the early days!). Or (B) you can accept that life isn't fair...but neither is it fair for others (ask the people of Haiti about that) and that bitterness and spite aren't the most attractive traits.
Assuming you choose B (c'mon, you were going to choose B, right?), how can you give time a hand?
By doing what you need to do: getting yourself a therapist; exercising; pursuing hobbies and interests you might have pushed aside to be wife/mother; volunteering... In other words, anything you can do to create a more fulfilling life can't help but move you further along the healing path.
And betrayal attacks us in such a profound way, often making us question our worth or our purpose. Finding that center again, that place where we can feel whole regardless of the choices of those around us, can't help but be good for us.
So, by all means, trust time to take away some of the sting of betrayal. But do some of the hard lifting yourself.

1 comment:

  1. Love this post. Exactly what I needed first thing in the morning!



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