Separating or Divorcing, Part 3 (Part 2 is FULL)
- Join the Club...and Share Your Story
- Books for the Betrayed
- Share Your Story: Finding Out, Part 4 (3 is full!!...
- Share Your Story: Multiple Affairs PART 2
- Stupid S#*t Cheaters Say
- Just found out? Share your story...
- Finding Out, Part 5 (Please post here. Part 4 is f...
- Feeling Stuck Part 20
- Feeling Stuck? Part 21
- Separating or Divorcing? Page 5
- Sex and intimacy after betrayal
- Share Your Story: Finding Out, Part 5 (4 is full!!...
- Separating or Divorcing, Page 6
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Why Your Thoughts Are Lies
And my guess is that most of what you thought, said, wrote and wailed was a bunch of crap.
Why do I guess that? Because our thoughts lie to us.
They say things like: He cheated because you've gained weight. They tell us he cheated because we nag. They suggest he cheated because she was prettier. Richer. Smarter.
Or they tell us he cheated because she's sexier.
Or, the stake in our heart, he cheated because we're unlovable.
And then, those thoughts insist, the best years of my life are over. I will never be happy again.
Utter and total crap.
And yet, how much time do we spend with these thoughts? We let them into our heads and, if we don't shoo them away, they snake their way into our souls where they slowly poison us with their lies until we don't even recognize ourselves anymore.
Consider this: You don't have to believe these thoughts. In fact, I'm strongly recommending you don't. I'm recommending that you kick these thoughts to the curb and ask yourself a simple question if even one of these thoughts tries to ring your doorbell and convince you to let it in: Do I know this to be true?
Of course you don't. None of us ever knows why another person does anything. Most of the time, particularly with cheaters, they don't even know. It takes heaps of therapy and baring of the soul to get to the bottom of such dishonesty and devastating behaviour.
What you do know, and what you can trust is that, if you're reading this right now, you're okay. You're alive. Good. You're functional, even marginally. Good. And you are okay.
And that's all you need to know right now. All the rest – why, how, what for? – can wait for another day. Or forever.
Right now, just be okay for this moment. then the next. And the next... Until okay becomes good and good becomes better and you realize that all that drama – all that self-torture – was your lying thoughts.