I really don't know where to post this suggestion. How about an article about Valentine's Day triggers? I was so proud of myself by getting through my birthday, our anniversary, the OW's birthday & Thanksgiving without a meltdown. (They are all triggers for me as he "celebrated" with her the year of their A, not me. I eased into Christmas & New Year without falling apart, as well. My H even gave me a card thanking me for a wonderful holiday season! Then, BAM, I started seeing Valentine ads! Mega meltdowns! I remember everything about my H cancelling our plans for a romantic dinner out, making up an excuse I believed and spending the day & evening with OW! My youngest child, 12 at the time, spent hours in his room with his crafts making me a lovely Valentine card. Even he knew how much I was hurt and tried to make me happy. I still have that beautiful card. But I was unprepared for the emotions I am feeling even now, decades after D Day! You don't have to post this as it's merely a suggestion for a subject which might help other BW's. Carol the First
I find buying cards for Valentine's Day and our wedding anniversary impossible. They really make them to cater to the societal narrative of what a marriage is. Total fairy tale stuff. And that goes along with everything else.. gifts, dinner, seeing ads, social media posts. I have found we have to figure out how to do it so it works for us. And I do stay off social media etc. None of it makes me feel any better.
Ugh. Buying cards is the worst. The words "always" and "forever" make me want to throat punch someone when I read them on a card. Instead of a meltdown now, I just roll my eyes. I would say be patient with yourself and keep buying cards. I found that leaning into the triggers (instead of avoiding them) helped me once I was past the first couple of months. If cards was an issue, I did it often until it wasn't. Like building up a scar I guess. Not for everyone, but I function fairly well mostly. (But buying cards still pisses me off). Oh!! And Facebook memories. I hate them if the date falls in the affair period. I immediately wonder what he was doing/thinking when I originally posted about our family or if the OW saw it and laughed at me. Certain things will never be the same: card shopping, Facebook memories, walking through the airport, certain cities, calendar dates, movie and tv scenes of affairs... I just keep facing them daily and watching my internal dialogue about it. Hugs to all of you doing the same.
I’m glad we can be funny! I’m sure the thought crossed a lot of bw minds!
ReplyDeleteLove this: ) xxx
ReplyDeleteMy "go to " dark humour song is Trisha Yearwood " Your husband's cheating on us"
ReplyDeleteI really don't know where to post this suggestion. How about an article about Valentine's Day triggers? I was so proud of myself by getting through my birthday, our anniversary, the OW's birthday & Thanksgiving without a meltdown. (They are all triggers for me as he "celebrated" with her the year of their A, not me. I eased into Christmas & New Year without falling apart, as well. My H even gave me a card thanking me for a wonderful holiday season! Then, BAM, I started seeing Valentine ads! Mega meltdowns! I remember everything about my H cancelling our plans for a romantic dinner out, making up an excuse I believed and spending the day & evening with OW! My youngest child, 12 at the time, spent hours in his room with his crafts making me a lovely Valentine card. Even he knew how much I was hurt and tried to make me happy. I still have that beautiful card. But I was unprepared for the emotions I am feeling even now, decades after D Day! You don't have to post this as it's merely a suggestion for a subject which might help other BW's.
ReplyDeleteCarol the First
I find buying cards for Valentine's Day and our wedding anniversary impossible. They really make them to cater to the societal narrative of what a marriage is. Total fairy tale stuff. And that goes along with everything else.. gifts, dinner, seeing ads, social media posts. I have found we have to figure out how to do it so it works for us. And I do stay off social media etc. None of it makes me feel any better.
DeleteUgh. Buying cards is the worst. The words "always" and "forever" make me want to throat punch someone when I read them on a card. Instead of a meltdown now, I just roll my eyes. I would say be patient with yourself and keep buying cards. I found that leaning into the triggers (instead of avoiding them) helped me once I was past the first couple of months. If cards was an issue, I did it often until it wasn't. Like building up a scar I guess. Not for everyone, but I function fairly well mostly. (But buying cards still pisses me off). Oh!! And Facebook memories. I hate them if the date falls in the affair period. I immediately wonder what he was doing/thinking when I originally posted about our family or if the OW saw it and laughed at me. Certain things will never be the same: card shopping, Facebook memories, walking through the airport, certain cities, calendar dates, movie and tv scenes of affairs... I just keep facing them daily and watching my internal dialogue about it. Hugs to all of you doing the same.
DeleteVery funny!
ReplyDelete