There it is, ladies. A library of books that balm for the betrayed heart.
Click on the bookmark at the top of this page and make your suggestion.
We'll crowd-source the best books to guide us through this particular hell...and emerge triumphant.
The kickass survival site for anyone who's ever been lied to, cheated on and left for dead.
Thank you, thank you thank you!
ReplyDeleteThis book was very helpful for my husband. How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair by Linda MacDonald
ReplyDeleteThis book was helpful for my spouse. How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair by Linda MacDonald
ReplyDeleteOur Cheating Hearts Kate Figes (really brilliant chapter regarding our children. Hits on impact of living under shadows of secrecy.
ReplyDeleteYour sexually addicted Spouse (ground zero for betrayed spouses and issues of PTSD)
Thank you for your words and journeys!
After The Affair...
ReplyDeleteMy go to---
In addition to books (and I've read like everyone recommended throughout the site), I also find myself drawn to watching movies about betrayal and sex addiction. Wondering what people's thoughts about movies are as well. Due to Elle's posting, I watched "Take This Waltz". I've also watched "Don Jon", "Thanks for Sharing", Tyler Perry's "Temptation" and most recently "The Other Woman" and "Gone Girl". Even though it is painful to watch some of these movies, there's also something always a little cathartic too in seeing how other people process the loss and devastation (though of course on screen, the devastation seems so much less than in real life).
ReplyDeleteI wonder how other folks have experienced the movies. Am wondering whether to watch Showtime's "The Affair."
Thoughts?
I've also watched movies for the cathartic appeal. George Clooneys The Descendants, Ruby Sparks, and Fatal Attraction were appealing. And of course Flight with Denzel was rather electrifying. Whether it's in a movie, a new story, or your neighbor the subject of infidelity is everywhere. Always will be.
DeleteI have to be careful re. movies. I can read about betrayal more than I can see it. Too often it's portrayed as sexy or glamorous. And the wife's response rarely rings true to me.
DeleteI know Steam, who's often on this site, has watched The Affair.
I have watched the first episode of The Affair. I would recommend reading Esther Perel's writing on affairs and relationships for context before watching. She is a consultant on the show and the episode that I watched seemed to reflect alot of her thoughts on affairs. It is not always easy stuff to swallow as a betrayed spouse but I appreciate her nuances.
DeleteI made the mistake of watching "The Other Woman" when my husband and I took a mini vacation this summer....as much as I laughed, I cried.
ReplyDeleteI recently saw a few tv commercials regarding the affair, I could in no way watch it, they make me so angry...I hate the fact that it almost glorifies the affair and it makes me want to punch my husband in the face...sad, I know, but some things are just a little too touchy for me.
R.
The Affair, I would watch on your OWN so you dont turn and THROTTLE your husband. What rings true is that the OW is screwed up, the BH will take an port in a storm, and for crying out loud he's married to Maura Tiereny who is WONDERFUL!! He is having a crisis of his OWN, had nothing to do with his wife, but everything to do with his own self DOUBT. only a few moments in a few episodes had me on the verge of trigger, so DONT watch it if youre new to this and DONT watch it if you are easily triggered (i can be) but DO watch it alone so YOU can decide if it is too much or not. Your heartbreak and all that---ya know. Your rules.
ReplyDeleteand i thought that Thanks for Sharing was just incredible. Didnt trigger me at all, but my husband is not a sex addict. Just a fool for a while.
ReplyDeleteAnything related to adultery in movies or tv shows bothers me. My husbands betrayals changed everything about my life.
ReplyDeleteMy husband liked one specific ethnic group and the women were all from that group. It's so hard to not want to lump them all together and hate that entire culture. But I'm trying so hard to get past that.
ReplyDeleteI am with Joy and Elle. I can read about infidelity in books but can't watch tv or movies because it makes affairs seem glamorous. Also I feel like they pretty much always happen in bad marriages or marriages in a rut or else they make the cheater a narcissist. Too stereotypical for me.
ReplyDeleteInterestingly I am also triggered by soppy love stories with happily ever after endings which end at the wedding. Whenever there are lines with the man declaring his undying love or promise to be faithful forever I inevitably make some comment like sure, he thinks so now.
Sam
My go to book is "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass. I constantly re-read chapters and always find something new as I work through the aftermath of my husband's 7 year emotional affair and some other kind of odd flirting relationship before that for three years. We're 9 months into recovery. Excellent book. Also, just the ads for The Affair send me over the edge, even though his wasn't a physical affair. My trigger movie is When Harry Met Sally since I know they talked late at night and watched the same late night shows together. Used to be my favorite movie- not any more. I'm surprised what triggers me when I watch TV or movies- I'm enjoying myself and then, bam! something pops up. Funny how this trauma just screws with your mind.
ReplyDeleteC.
When Harry Met Sally used to be my favorite movie too. My husband had multiple physical and emotional and probably as you so eloquently put it flirting affairs, always starting out as friends. what set me off about that movie last nite was all the talk about can men and women be friends. The answer is yes but. They can be occasional friends but not close friends, esp not when married to someone else, because then lines get blurred and emotions get confused and they end up cheating.
ReplyDeleteSam
I completely understand what you're saying about being friends. The OW originally started out as his friend and I knew it was going to end up the way it did. He had female friends but it was a couples thing, we were all friends...he/she crossed that line...she was married too...they found "comfort" in each other...makes me sick thinking about it. So now, I don't trust him talking to any other woman, nor do I want him too...
ReplyDeleteR.
Elle, what happened to the tab for Books for the Betrayed? I miss it! :) Am I just not seeing it, or has it moved somewhere? Thanks!
ReplyDeleteWhoops. Somehow slipped off the page. It's back! Thanks for letting me know. I suppose I should add Encyclopedia for the Betrayed!! ;)
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