I apologize for the long post below. When I'm triggered I often write myself emails to help me process and work through my feelings. This one is from this past weekend and this seemed the perfect place to post it, since I paraphrased your words:
On that blog I read so many women lose weight because they lose their appetitie. I can't even get that one right. I didn't lose one pound. I lost my hair. At least that was temporary. I have experienced more insomnia in the last year & a half than in the rest of my lifetime.
If u ever want to know what's going on in my head, check out my drafts folder of my email. When I can't sleep or I'm angry I write myself emails. Sometimes it helps me figure out why I can't sleep, sometimes I know why but it helps me get rid of bad thoughts and feelings.
I'm so sick of this. I can't even write down what's bothering me this time because my mind is racing. Sometimes with just one phrase u can trigger an avalanche of ideas & feelings and then it is all downhill for me from there.
I keep thinking about all the times starting with the first non affair female friend you had that I doubted myself. If he loves me what does he need relationships with these other women for? Why does he need privacy when he talks to them on the phone (even when we r on vacation) if it's innocent. Is that normal? Why am I not good enough? What is wrong with me? Does he think I'm so stupid or that I am so inexperienced and naive that they r flirting right in front of me? Is he that arrogant? Am I not fun enough, pretty enough, sexy enough?
I wasted so much time (at least 10 years of our relationship, even before we were married) worrying about whether u were cheating and why and now I'm wasting even more time reliving it.
Some days I feel like I have made so much progress and then out of nowhere im stuck all over again.
But then I have to just tell myself: there is nothing wrong w me. I AM good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, sexy enough. The problem was URS, not mine.
Lol this is so great, and to it I add:
ReplyDelete"you don't even KNOW how enough you are"
I apologize for the long post below. When I'm triggered I often write myself emails to help me process and work through my feelings. This one is from this past weekend and this seemed the perfect place to post it, since I paraphrased your words:
ReplyDeleteOn that blog I read so many women lose weight because they lose their appetitie. I can't even get that one right. I didn't lose one pound. I lost my hair. At least that was temporary. I have experienced more insomnia in the last year & a half than in the rest of my lifetime.
If u ever want to know what's going on in my head, check out my drafts folder of my email. When I can't sleep or I'm angry I write myself emails. Sometimes it helps me figure out why I can't sleep, sometimes I know why but it helps me get rid of bad thoughts and feelings.
I'm so sick of this. I can't even write down what's bothering me this time because my mind is racing. Sometimes with just one phrase u can trigger an avalanche of ideas & feelings and then it is all downhill for me from there.
I keep thinking about all the times starting with the first non affair female friend you had that I doubted myself. If he loves me what does he need relationships with these other women for? Why does he need privacy when he talks to them on the phone (even when we r on vacation) if it's innocent. Is that normal? Why am I not good enough? What is wrong with me? Does he think I'm so stupid or that I am so inexperienced and naive that they r flirting right in front of me? Is he that arrogant? Am I not fun enough, pretty enough, sexy enough?
I wasted so much time (at least 10 years of our relationship, even before we were married) worrying about whether u were cheating and why and now I'm wasting even more time reliving it.
Some days I feel like I have made so much progress and then out of nowhere im stuck all over again.
But then I have to just tell myself: there is nothing wrong w me. I AM good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, sexy enough. The problem was URS, not mine.
Sam