Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Wednesday Word Hug: How to Use a Knife

(From: How to Recover from Betrayal...)


  1. Elle, this is the perfect hug. Early on I didn't believe you but after 3 years it finally is getting better. This is the first time I have not went down the abyss is 2 months. I was thinking yesterday, would I really have wanted to be that woman prior to the affair? Under a marriage delusion, a self delusion? The knife didn't cut but slowly sawed away everyday. I know myself better, I know what I want. I know where I wanted go. I know what I want to do. With or without him I'm going to be ok. I was the fool. Cut. I'm better than the OW. Cut. My marriage sucked. Cut. My career was all I had. Cut. Knives, armor all these suggest fighting for my life. I'm still in therapy. There are times when the two ends of the rope try to find each other again by I'm on alert. I unblocked the OW on our phones yesterday. Time to cut that last rope. Whatever happens I can deal with it. Elle you were there for me for 36 months everyday. That is true commitment and I will be forever grateful. I have never known anyone like you. Since I can't call or hug I can only give you a hug through my very small small donation each month. You, my sister and therapist handed me the knife everyday.

  2. Amen. Sometimes its not the holding on but the letting go that makes us strong.

  3. Elle
    I get great comfort from your posts and my take away was his ow stabbed me in the heart with the truth that there was an affair, but she stabbed my h in the back with her harrasment for six constant months and twice since then by attempting to reconnect but when my h sent her back to the judge, that's when I was able to begin to cut the crazy ow from my world! Thanks!
    Also I have a message in my email from Selkie posted in feeling stuck 18 but can't find her post to answer and I noticed that 18 is over 200 posts.

    1. Thank you, Theresa. I hope my post will reappear. I would love to have your reply.

    2. Selkie
      The only way I see your post for what ever reason is in my email. The reply I have for you is two months is so fresh and painful. If your h is still in contact with the ow, even if only through phone social media what ever, his brain is still so high in the fog that he is confused about what he wants. I understand the not wanting to be in limbo! My h held me in limbo for six months while the ow tried to kill our marriage not because he wanted the contact he just didn't know how to make her stop and she began to threaten a confrontation. Once she was charged with the harrassment, we could then begin to find our way back to each other. Until your h gets his head clear there's nothing you can do but wait it out and take care of yourself and your child. It's a long process and it takes both of you to work together for what you need and want for your future! I'm sorry this has happened and even sorriest for the knowledge that there will be new women that find themselves in our shoes! Hugs and just know we feel your pain!

    3. Thank you so much

  4. Freeing yourself is painful. But it's not as painful as having the knife driven into your back over and over.

  5. my h stabbed himself in the back.. he now has to deal with the pain and misery of being alone.. i on the other hand bloody love it.. I'm happy the kids are happy.. what more could I ask for . trying to work full time with 2 kids it's a job in itself I don't have the time or energy for any one else especially my h.. untill he grows up and takes some responsibility I'm not interested.. I really am in no rush.. not having to cook, clean or care about another person has been freeing.

    I'm very particular about my social circle and make time for people who care for me and vice Versa.. life is so very short and I feel like I have still so much to cram in.. ladies for every door that closes another opens.. trust me .. love you all lots .. xx

  6. Everything I have read on this
    site is bashing vile anger at the
    The husband is also involved &
    the hatred & evil things done towards the ow shows there is a lot
    of wives need counseling & take a
    look at the person they are married
    to,& most of the time stay with.

    1. Dakota,
      If you have indeed read a lot on this site then you know that, almost without fail, the women on this site are in counselling to help them heal from the pain of betrayal, and that any husband they've chosen to stay with has gone to lengths to take responsibility and make amends for the pain they've caused. Unfortunately few OW make any steps toward apologizing and acknowledging the role they played in the deliberate deception of someone.
      I don't know a single betrayed wife who isn't desperate to get past the anger she feels toward both her partner and the OW. We hate it. However, experts generally agree that anger is a natural response to any threat to our well-being and one that, unless further provoked by the OW, we usually get past.
      With that in mind, you mind not want to come here and poke the hornet's nest. There are plenty of sites where people like you can congratulate yourselves on being involved with married men and hurl invective at the wives who had every reason to think they could trust the men who made public vows of fidelity.
      If, however, you genuinely want some understanding of the pain you were complicit in creating, read on. You'll meet some incredible women who are going through the worst pain of their lives. But kindly stay out of the comments unless you're prepared to extend some sort of compassion. Even then...tread lightly.

    2. Dakota
      I'm not sure what your story is and I can't speak to anyone else's anger and bitterness toward the ow but in my world, my h had been trying for almost two years to stop the ow from contact with him and all but emotionally black mailed him in the last year before he stopped answering her text for several months! Their last sexual encounter ended with his telling her he did not love her and the affair was over. She blew up my phone and his for six months before he finally had charges against her for harrasment. Within a few months of having a judge orders for no contact she still reached out to him for emotional support in the death of her child. My h and I told her we were sorry for her loss and would pray for her family. We did together pray for that family. Six months after that she reached out to ask for him to meet up for drinks no hard feelings. My h had the judge remind her of the possibility of jail if she broke the order again. I continue to see her drive through our neighborhood and I'm not supposed to be angry with her! I'm sorry for her pitiful life but she was the one pouring salt in my open wound with no regrets what so ever! So yeah I'm working through this part of the mess, and the only way I could have stayed with my h was to see him work hard to show me he had learned what led him down the path of almost destroying our lives! My h endured months of anger and ugly fights with me before I was in a better state of mind. I'm sorry for what ever has happened in your life to bring you to this site but what I have found here is a world of women that are in such pain it's hard to breathe! And yet at the same time they hold you up with such compassion because they truly know how it feels and we get to acknowledge that we're not alone and our feelings are justified. I'm hoping that you can find the same support that I have if you are living with betrayal!



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