How fitting this is ... my husband is out of town for business, he recently moved offices and had a box of old stuff out on his desk to go thru... he called asking me to look in box for something... a picked up a file and a card fell out? A card dated 5 years ago a few months before dday from the other women the card contained the poem how do i love thee smeared with a red set of lipstick and signed always your there was also a separate letter enclosed the thing is it didnt send me to tears or rage i read it as pathetic, sad even she refers to herself as lost and the letter said hers keys to my house and heart with them wherever u r and they are youll have access to me because she submits to him and wants nothing but him blah blah and went on funny the end is what struck me ... stop thinking what can go wrong and think of all that can go right. If i can so can you ...has he been telling the truth? He said all along he had no plans to leave me and in the last months she became insane when he refused to leave me. Huh ...the fact of the matter is she could have been anyone, she wasnt special and reading her letter sge seemed broken desperate and totally into stroking his ego ... not sure ill mention this or not to my husband does he know its in there keeping it stashed away or maybe forgot it was in there? He has been at that office for a little under 5 years ... hummm i wont dwell on this too much ... im 5 years past dday and living life. Just thought id share with my girls some of it is illusion bullshit honestly its all bullshit. Stay safe pretties
Hi, so you are still with your husband five years out? I'm glad you aren't filled with anger and resentment anymore. That gives me hope. I also hope I get to a place where what they had wasn't "special." That she isn't special, she was pathetic and desperate, wanting a married man. She had cheated on her fiancee and got caught and then decided to target my husband. He fell for it hook, line and sinker because we had disconnected. I got lost in our children and he got lost in fantastyland. I am only ten months out so it still hurts deeply. I have a hard time creating new memories with him because I feel like she stole them from me. I want to blame everyone but myself. Now he's awake and realizes the wake of destruction and how he can lost me at anytime. She was all about stroking his ego and giving him anything he desired. He already had children so he didn't want that. Anyway, illusion is awful, especially when it becomes their false reality. Sometimes I'm tempted by it but I know I'm not that person. Then I question why I stay with someone with not much of a moral compass but I guess time will tell...Thanks for letting me vent off your comment and thanks for sharing!
I just found out that my boyfriend of almost two years cheated on me. The kicker is that the female he cheated on me with is pregnant and saying he’s the father of the child. I haven’t decided to stay or go yet. I just found out on 10/14 and every day feels like just yesterday. This is heart shattering. The decision should be so simple, why would I tolerate this? He knew what he was doing and he did it anyway! I go from sad, to angry, to okay, to thinking maybe I can work through this even if the child is his, to sad, to angry all over again! I love him so much, I don’t know what to do. I honestly don’t. My heart is broke...our relationship as I knew it has ended and I don’t know how to pick the pieces up. I can’t even imagine my life without him. My heart hurts so much. I know he wishes I would drop it, I know he understands that I’m hurt...but why? We don’t have any children together, but I have four of my own, he has really played an active role in their lives the last two years and then he does this to me? Why? What did I do to deserve this? I can’t make any sense of it. I truly love him. I do. He says it was a mistake, a big mistake...but if this girl wasn’t saying this kid was his, would I have ever even known? He told me that was the first and only time he’s been unfaithful to me. He vows to never do it again because he knows he will lose me for good. I’m so lost and hurt.
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I went through a similar situation with boyfriend prior to current H. He's paid support for 18 years for a child he never even bothered to meet. But...not my problem because we did break up. If the child is his, he's on the hook financially, which can cause a lot of stress/resentment/etc. If the child is not his, that makes part of this easier. You can focus on the infidelity rather than the constant reminder of his infidelity. If I were you, I would give myself time to absorb this and figure out what you want after this. I'm not sure if he lives with you but if not, keep it that way. If he does, it might be time for him to leave at least temporarily to give you some time to work through how you feel. I honestly don't know what to say to you except...you do not need to decide right now. You can wait for more info (ie. paternity test). But no matter what, please find yourself a counsellor who can support you through this. Infidelity is devastating.
How fitting this is ... my husband is out of town for business, he recently moved offices and had a box of old stuff out on his desk to go thru... he called asking me to look in box for something... a picked up a file and a card fell out? A card dated 5 years ago a few months before dday from the other women the card contained the poem how do i love thee smeared with a red set of lipstick and signed always your there was also a separate letter enclosed the thing is it didnt send me to tears or rage i read it as pathetic, sad even she refers to herself as lost and the letter said hers keys to my house and heart with them wherever u r and they are youll have access to me because she submits to him and wants nothing but him blah blah and went on funny the end is what struck me ... stop thinking what can go wrong and think of all that can go right. If i can so can you ...has he been telling the truth? He said all along he had no plans to leave me and in the last months she became insane when he refused to leave me. Huh ...the fact of the matter is she could have been anyone, she wasnt special and reading her letter sge seemed broken desperate and totally into stroking his ego ... not sure ill mention this or not to my husband does he know its in there keeping it stashed away or maybe forgot it was in there? He has been at that office for a little under 5 years ... hummm i wont dwell on this too much ... im 5 years past dday and living life. Just thought id share with my girls some of it is illusion bullshit honestly its all bullshit. Stay safe pretties
ReplyDeleteHi, so you are still with your husband five years out? I'm glad you aren't filled with anger and resentment anymore. That gives me hope. I also hope I get to a place where what they had wasn't "special." That she isn't special, she was pathetic and desperate, wanting a married man. She had cheated on her fiancee and got caught and then decided to target my husband. He fell for it hook, line and sinker because we had disconnected. I got lost in our children and he got lost in fantastyland. I am only ten months out so it still hurts deeply. I have a hard time creating new memories with him because I feel like she stole them from me. I want to blame everyone but myself. Now he's awake and realizes the wake of destruction and how he can lost me at anytime. She was all about stroking his ego and giving him anything he desired. He already had children so he didn't want that. Anyway, illusion is awful, especially when it becomes their false reality. Sometimes I'm tempted by it but I know I'm not that person. Then I question why I stay with someone with not much of a moral compass but I guess time will tell...Thanks for letting me vent off your comment and thanks for sharing!
DeleteI just found out that my boyfriend of almost two years cheated on me. The kicker is that the female he cheated on me with is pregnant and saying he’s the father of the child. I haven’t decided to stay or go yet. I just found out on 10/14 and every day feels like just yesterday. This is heart shattering. The decision should be so simple, why would I tolerate this? He knew what he was doing and he did it anyway! I go from sad, to angry, to okay, to thinking maybe I can work through this even if the child is his, to sad, to angry all over again! I love him so much, I don’t know what to do. I honestly don’t. My heart is broke...our relationship as I knew it has ended and I don’t know how to pick the pieces up. I can’t even imagine my life without him. My heart hurts so much. I know he wishes I would drop it, I know he understands that I’m hurt...but why? We don’t have any children together, but I have four of my own, he has really played an active role in their lives the last two years and then he does this to me? Why? What did I do to deserve this? I can’t make any sense of it. I truly love him. I do. He says it was a mistake, a big mistake...but if this girl wasn’t saying this kid was his, would I have ever even known? He told me that was the first and only time he’s been unfaithful to me. He vows to never do it again because he knows he will lose me for good. I’m so lost and hurt.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for what you're going through. I went through a similar situation with boyfriend prior to current H. He's paid support for 18 years for a child he never even bothered to meet. But...not my problem because we did break up.
DeleteIf the child is his, he's on the hook financially, which can cause a lot of stress/resentment/etc. If the child is not his, that makes part of this easier. You can focus on the infidelity rather than the constant reminder of his infidelity.
If I were you, I would give myself time to absorb this and figure out what you want after this. I'm not sure if he lives with you but if not, keep it that way. If he does, it might be time for him to leave at least temporarily to give you some time to work through how you feel.
I honestly don't know what to say to you except...you do not need to decide right now. You can wait for more info (ie. paternity test). But no matter what, please find yourself a counsellor who can support you through this. Infidelity is devastating.