Just to recount, the year's cheat sheet includes John Edwards (well, okay, he admitted it in 2008 but his wife's book about it was released in 09), Jon Gosselin, John Ensign (who he?), Mark Sanford, David Letterman, Josh Duhamel, and, of course, Tiger Woods. And those are just the ones who haven't faded too quickly from the headlines. It's enough to turn my rose-colored glasses blue.
My own D-Day was more than three years ago and, I'm delighted to report, the pain is nowhere near as acute as it was. I get the occasional pang of sadness when I recall what I now call our "lost years", but time (and a whole lotta therapy) has brought me to a place where I believe my happiness is far more genuine now. It's rooted in reality; the knowledge that life can deliver me a knockout punch...but my feet are firmly enough on solid ground to keep me standing.
Which is a long way of saying that I can read about these affairs without taking it personally. Without making sweeping generalizations that, clearly, every man is a cheating scumbag and it's simply a matter of opportunity before they reveal themselves (literally and metaphorically). Without thinking that every marriage is doomed to failure and that every woman is simply setting themselves up for heartbreak. Yep, I was there. But thankfully no longer.
What about you, BWC readers? Do you find all the constant news about Tiger et al contributing to greater angst? Does misery love company? Or is it simply unnecessary gossip that has nothing to do with your life?
Tiger et al...funny. Sure misery loves company but I do not wish a cheating husband on anyone. One of the good things about finding out about others misery is that emotional bonding and healing can occur together. It is nice to be understood by someone who has gone throught the same thing.
ReplyDeleteYep, the Tiger thing was eating me up at first. Not because I was a man hater but because every person that said what a jerk he was or how stupid he was- I did take personally. I took the comments as it applied to my husband or to my life. Then the questions, "How could she stay with him?", "Sex addiction is an excuse", and my personal best favorite "Was he that stupid he didn't think he would get caught?" At first I wanted to yell back that Tiger was a sex addict and probably a very broken man. He wasn't thinking about getting caught at all. He was probably just trying to get his next fix.
The news of Tiger also came around my husband and I's one year sober anniversary AND near the holidays. My emotions have cooled off by now and I don't feel the need to speak up anymore, thank goodness! But it was hard for me to take a step back. I almost wrote to the editor of our paper (anon.) of course to write an expose on sex addiction. Maybe that is because I want people to understand it, understand me and my decisions, understand my husband etc.(I also wanted us "regular people" to be able to find help and to not be ashamed.) But really I am the only person to live in my shoes so I just have to understand how this all applies to my and my husbands life.
Happy New Year to all!
My brother made a comment over the holidays about Tiger Woods, along the lines of, "rather than give up golf, he should give up marriage. Clearly his wife wasn't making him happy." I just cringed. But words like that, from someone I love, cut pretty deep.
ReplyDeleteOne of the silver lining parts of this whole betrayal is that I'm far less judgmental than I was. I no longer assume that I really know another person's story...nor do I know how they should live his/her life. We're all, generally, just doing our best.
Thanks for posting. And happy new year to you.