Friday, December 4, 2009

What to Do With The Wedding Ring...

I posted awhile back on my wedding ring. I took mine off shortly after learning of my husband's infidelity...and it remains in my jewellery box.
Another blogger, the fabulous Tabatha, linked to my post and blogged about her own conflicted feelings regarding her ring. Her words were so heartfelt and she so beautifully summed up the feelings of so many betrayed wives that, with her permission, I've copied them here:

But that ring ... it's like it burns when I put it on. It's almost as if it belongs to someone else, like I'm borrowing it to play dress-up, or more that I found it and no one's laying claim to it so I might as well keep it. It's the ring of a girl who had everything she wanted, who got her fairytale romance and wedding and family is now living in a modest castle somewhere in HappilyEverAfterVille, just north ofNeverNeverLand. It's the ring of a girl who believed in a lot of things, however naively, and just knew in her heart that this was the way things were supposed to be. It's a ring of hope and promise and trust and vindication and love and respect and ...

And a lot of things my marriage didn't end up being or containing.

I hope Tabatha is able to come to terms with her feelings about her ring and make a decision that feels right for her. Please...let me know how you felt about your wedding ring in the wake of D-Day. Symbol of love? Or reminder of pain...


  1. Our rings meant so much more to me than just two circles of gold. Instead of symbols of love they represented years of lies and deceit. I took back my husbands ring ( I had asked him to marry me) and threw it into the wildlife reserve we live near. My ring nearly followed over the fence too, but I couldn't do it. Instead I sold the poor thing the next day at a shop that collected old gold jewellery to melt down and reuse in industry.
    I do hope that if my husband and I can work though this I will one day have another wedding ring. I'm not putting all my hopes on that day ever coming though. In the meantime I have a ring to represent my two daughters, a reminder that I have got to step aside from my feelings and consider the big picture here.

    1. I don't want to pass my ring to my daughter or granddaughter or to anyone as it feels cursed from 30 years of infidelity that I only recently found out about. It was supposed to represent love and commitment and maybe it did to me but to him it was nothing. I'm thinking of looking up the Celtic sign for betrayal and having a small gold simulate made from my ring and stamped with that symbol. And give it to my husband in a pretty box as a parting gift.

    2. 30 years,
      I'd be inclined to have it made into a ring or piece of jewellery for you. Or sell it for the gold and take a mini-vacation. I suspect the symbolism would be lost on "Steve".

  2. Interesting.. I had taken off my wedding band some years ago. My husband never noticed or never said anything. He still wore his - through the affairs of course. When I found out, I put my ring back on and am still wearing it. Strange reaction. Maybe it is part of hysterical bonding. I want to reassert myself as the righful 'owner' of the marriage?

  3. I realize these posts are old...but, if you are new to being betrayed it will be new to you....the day after I found out about my husbands affair, my ring literally broke...but, i still wore it, I had faith that this was just a bump in the road...we would get thru this...after all 20 years together...we were "that" couple...the one others admired...and he was my best friend...anyway, the day came that the decision was to be's me or her....if it's her, the door is over there....with that said I took off my ring and told him if/when he wants this marriage to work, repair the ring and give it back...needless to say, he is due to move out after Christmas....he has chosen her...never stopped seeing her.....

  4. I'm so sorry for your pain. But kudos to you for forcing him off the fence. Some of these guys will stay there forever. And he'll undoubtedly find that his problems follow him wherever (and with whomever) he goes. Rude awakening for him; new start for you.


  5. I had stopped wearing my wedding ring about 6 mths prior to te beginning of his affair. My original wedding ring wasn't the greatest quality, we didn't have a lot of money when we got married, and some of the stones had fallen out, never to be seen again. In an effort to save the remaining I bought a fancy cubic zerconia for $100. A month after Dday is when I uncovered the real wasn't a one night stand, it was a full blown affair. THAT'S when my rings came off and went of the bands is still MIA. At that point, my husband had been down on one knee begging for forgiveness (which I still, 5 mths later have not been able to grant him) and promising his recommitment to me. He bought me a new, better...worthy wedding ring set and had the center stone from my original into a necklace. He had already surprised me by getting my name tattooed on his wedding ring finger.....coincidentally on the same day I found out about the full blown affair, and even more coincidentally, WHILE he was out having it done. He was all excited to come home and show me what he'd done tat morning, but man let me tell you an even bigger not-so-fun surprise was waiting for him here!

  6. Mine is in my drawer in the bathroom getting all dirty from make up goop. Someday I will bring it to the gold exchange - I just don't want to touch it now. But it will be good to know it was melted - like my heart. My husband still proudly wears his...

  7. I know this is an old thread....I didn't really realize so many of us struggle with the thought of wearing the ring. With my husband's first affair, we got rid of the ring (15 years ago) and started over with a new one. Now I have this 15 year old ring that means nothing because he has been cheating 10 of the past 15 years. I struggle to wear it. I try....i put it on and wear it for a day or two. Then I feel like an idiot for wearing I take it off. It goes on/off all the time. My husband still wears his ring. It didn't stop him from having multiple affairs...I don't know why he wears it. It obviously isn't symbolic of a great commitment that he has made....



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