What You Must Know About Getting Past Betrayal?

A newcomer recently commented that though she appreciates all the information she's reading on the site, she's concerned that so many people seem to be mired in the pain. "Does anybody get past this?" she wonders. Or is she doomed to a life of joylessness?
It's understandable that she might worry. I was convinced that I would never feel anything but misery. I felt sentenced to a life of sadness, all because of something I had no control over.
Looking around, there wasn't anyone to tell me otherwise. My father's betrayal had led my mother to a decade of alcohol abuse. When she got sober, she recreated a joyful life. But that seemed more a consequence of sobriety than healing.
On this site, of course, there are many many posts about the pain of betrayal, the frustration of triggers, the long road to healing. Far fewer are the posts about the delight of a life beyond the betrayal, past the healing.

I pointed out to this commenter that, over the years, there have been many many others who've come to the site, found healing and then, when the betrayal began to recede into the past, moved on to other things. Those women, I told our commenter, are likely right now on some home decor site figuring out what color to paint their kitchen. Or maybe binge watching Netflix. Or, maybe, glued to CNN watching the drama of a president descending into madness and continuing to gaslight a nation. Wherever they are, betrayal for them has, like it has for me, become something that happened. If it wasn't for this site and my reluctance to relinquish my role as a shepherd of broken hearts, I can promise you, I wouldn't be here. Which is good news for all of you! Because it's proof that betrayal will not define your entire life, no matter how large it's looming right now.
And that's what I'd like everyone to know, no matter where you are post-betrayal. You will get past this. You can heal from this. It will never disappear, of course. There will be triggers. There will be anxieties. But they can be few and very far between.
The responsibility, however, is yours. Healing doesn't magically happen. Time helps, of course. But the real healing comes from the hard work of repairing your broken heart. Establishing clear and healthy boundaries. Learning to practice daily self-care.
And, if you choose, rebuilding a marriage. A second marriage with your first husband, as Esther Perel puts it.
But always know it's possible. Reach for it. The women who have moved past betrayal have also, often, moved past this website. There's nothing for them here. No décor tips. No celebrity gossip. No political news. No beauty advice (except, sleep. Always always get your sleep).
But I'm still here. And so are you. We're shepherding those broken hearts into a future where those hearts are healed.