Sunday, March 7, 2010

You Don't Have to Hide Anything if You Have Nothing to Hide

There was recently a comment on a BWC blog post on emotional infidelity.
The writer describes an all-too-common scenario, wherein a wife questions a husband's relationship with another woman. The husband, almost always, accuses the wife of being jealous. Or insecure. Or crazy. Or all the above. Some wives start to wonder that themselves. What the husband has successfully done is change the subject. Suddenly you're no longer discussing his relationship, you're defending yourself. Well played, gentlemen,...but entirely dishonest.
If there's anything that one spouse is doing that is being kept secret from the other (I'm not talking 40th surprise birthday parties here!), motives need to be questioned.
My friend Jane's husband is still in touch with an ex-fiancée, and he will swear on his mother's grave that there's nothing inappropriate going on. When then, asks Jane, can't she participate in the friendship?
Jane herself offers up this advice: If your husband insists that all e-mail correspondence is utterly casual and friendly, then ask to be copied on it. If his phone conversations are innocent, then you should be privy to them. And so on.
You don't have to hide anything if there's nothing to hide.

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