Wednesday, March 24, 2010

The Dead Zone: A Nice Place to Visit...But You Don't Want to Live There

After awhile, the sharp pain of betrayal gives way to a sort of heaviness. You sigh a lot. You feel cynical. Life seems...grey. Some call it the Plain of Lethal Flatness. Others call it emotionally numb. I sometimes called myself "dead".
On the one hand, you feel grateful for the reprieve from the wild highs and devastating lows. But on the other, you wonder if this is where you'll live out your days. This sort of empty wilderness, devoid of pain...but devoid of beauty and life, too.
There is a danger in that. Get too comfortable in this dead zone and you just might never leave. Having experienced the agony of betrayal, it can be tempting to feel nothing.
But don't give in. Yes there's risk in the real world. In loving someone else. In trusting them, especially when that trust has been betrayed so completely. Whether you're choosing to stay with the person who betrayed you or you're free to find someone else, your heart can feel under wraps, like something fragile wrapped in gauze to ensure its safety.
Accept that this zone is your chance to catch your breath. To emotionally ready yourself for the next stage, which is to move into your new reality with your heart battered but whole.
If you've done the hard work of healing yourself, you're undoubtedly wiser. If you've done the self-care required, you know how to protect yourself better than before. It's no guarantee that you won't be hurt again, but it's insurance that if you are, you have what you need to move yourself quickly to a place of power.
Just don't settle in and decide to stay. Accept the break. Look around because you just might cycle back around again so if it looks is. But the day will come when you're ready to life live in full-color again.

1 comment:

  1. Living large in the dead zone. I just can't feel the same about my husband after his emotional affair. I don't understand how he can say he loved me yet spend all his time with her in the office, on the phone texting and calling her. The two behaviors are incompatible for love to exist. So I withdraw and stay withdrawn.



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