As I noted in an addendum to an earlier post, I wished I'd been more available on the site. There were so many newcomers and I wanted to be able to welcome each one of you with open arms and the promise that you'd found a safe place to heal. Instead, I was lucky if I could snatch a half-hour here and there to moderate the comments (to save you all from promises of spell casters and hackers) and ensure that comments and stories were visible to the rest of you. I felt like Lucille Ball in the chocolate factory.
Thank-you again to every single one of you who stepped up to open your arms and hearts to the newcomers and old-timers and all of us travellers of this path to healing.
I've been giving some thought to this site. September always feels like the new year for me so it seems a good time for new beginnings. Nothing major but I do plan to post more but comment less. It was clear to me that the rest of you are amazing at sharing your wisdom and your support. I'll focus on what I think I do best: sparking conversation about the many ways in which we heal from betrayal.
As always, I appreciate your support of this site. To those of you who donate, please know how privileged I feel to have your trust in what I'm doing here. It's a trust I work hard to earn. To those who, day after day, contribute to making this a safe place women can bring their broken hearts, I thank you too. As Brené Brown reminds us, "me too" are two of the most powerful words in the language.
Our "club" attracts roughly 2,000 visits a day. That's a lot of broken hearts. Let us continue to offer up the healing we each sought for our own hearts and the "me too" compassion that heals us all.
Beach Girl here. This blog is saving my life at this point in my life. I check it almost hourly on Wednesday, hoping there is a new post! I feel like I've found so many soul sisters. If only we did not live in the shadows. I am giddy with joy when you post something new Elle. Just giddy....let that warm your heart. Lots going on here too. Heading to the beach in San Diego for two weeks on Sept. 25. Can't wait!
ReplyDeleteHey Beach Girl,
DeleteIt does warm my heart to know that so many have found comfort here. I wanted a place like this when my own heart felt so shattered. Re. the shadows: I've wondered about creating something where you could reach out to specific members with whom you feel a connection: A sort of pen-pal thing. If anyone has any ideas how it might be done, please let me know. I'm not the least bit tech-savvy.
As for PayPal donation, I'm not sure about that either. I know that most of the donations come from the U.S. so even though I'm outside the U.S., it shouldn't be a problem.
Elle
DeleteTerri St. Cloud has a public face book page and the people that follow her can reach out to each other via social media. Not sure if you want a public site.
By the way, I just tried to donate on your Pay Pal with a credit card but the site would not let me enter my state name. Please help. Beach Girl
ReplyDeleteTried the donate button again and was successful. You rock Elle. Wish I could donate more. Beach Girl
ReplyDeleteElle, we understand! We got your back so whenever your ready to disclose we will be waiting.. I love your idea of pen pals but like you I live in the dark ages of pen and paper : )
ReplyDeleteElle I hope you know your cherished on this site, I also visit daily it's like my medicine now or daily therapy it keeps me sane.. Your very special Elle for all you do for us..
Gonna try get some sleep its been a long few days I too will tell more at a later date.. Night all xxx
FYI, the donations are in Canadian Dollars. For US folks, you may want to adjust. Approx. $13US is $10CAD.
ReplyDeleteThis blog, your insights and writing and the amazing women have been a lifeline, a lantern in the dark, and a warm hug when I need them (and a cheering section too). Can't tank you enough. I so hope that all is well with you and yours.
ReplyDeleteElle, this site saved ME. It saved ME in so many ways. I think a deeper connection, deeper understanding, deeper friendship is a great idea but it shouldn't detract from posting on the site which helps everyone. There are no support groups for BW where we all show up in school cafeteria for a BWC meeting. I'm in
ReplyDeleteLynnlesspain
DeleteI feel just like you about this blog! I was falling so deep in depression and anxiety because I couldn't grasp my new reality. Then I found this blog and have read it from the beginning of the blog to today's post and comments. I learned here that I'm not alone and my emotions are/were normal. I've found solid advice and love from many here struggling one day at a time. I'm in disbelief at how far I've come from where I was that day in June that I began reading. Elle you should be proud of this community of women you have helped in these years! You taught me how to find the me that disappeared on dday! Thanks for your inspiration and strength!
This site was the best thing to happen to me in my darkest time. I started by reading every post. And then I reread them. Over time I started reading the comments. Then I got up the courage to comment. It has been the best source of comfort, suggestions and also confidence boosting. I feel good when I can offer up a comment to another person. In the end I wish our society did not have such a stigma regarding infidelity. I wish we were all out in the open. I have had dreams about this mainly related to myself. I think also after reading Love Warrior I have had that feeling more. I know she was already a public figure so it was different, but I wish I did not feel so much shame and fear with being open and honest without hiding behind a user name. But for now that is where I am. Thank you Elle. I look forward to your posts!
ReplyDeleteThis place has been a huge source of support for me! I would welcome the chance to connect with someone too, but I don't have any suggestions. I'm definitely not tech savvy!
ReplyDeleteFeels like I can't say thanks enough both to you, Elle, for making this available and to my warrior sisters for being my virtual support system!
I love this site it has helped immensely. But one thing I keep seeing is how we, the BW, feels shame. I didn't feel shame. I did nothing wrong to feel shame. These weren't my choices and I had no say in this matter. My h on the other hand is totally ashamed of himself and very embarrassed by what he did and the ness he created. And boy what a mess it was. I was fucking pissed off and hurt by his choices. It's been a year for us and because of the foundation we had to begin with I think we've been able to overcome a great deal of issues and non had to do with our marriage. They were his issues with himself that he had to figure out. We are doing very well a year out from day. I'm not saying I don't have bad days because I do but we work through them together.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous 9/15,
DeleteWhat you have said is amazing and I so wish that many of us had been able to acknowledge that early on. The recognition that you did nothing wrong and have nothing to be ashamed of is a great foundation for healing. I spent way too much time questioning my value and feeling shame. It still takes effort on hard days to remind myself it was NEVER about me, even though I know it's the truth.
I agree it was hard for me at first. But it became apparent and luckily my husband reinforced that it was not me but all him and his issues. I think for me the shame comes from all of what I feel like is wasted time and commitment to thinking I was part of this team. I gave up a lot since I thought we were in this together. And yes I felt shame. I really believed we were making the best decisions for both of us when he was keeping secrets and not thinking of our best interest. And if I were to leave him there is no way he can make up to me the time and energy I gave but especially financially. Without going back in time neither of us can fix that.
DeleteThe other aspect I feel is based on at least what I feel is my identity in society. I had invested a lot in being a wife and a mom. We had made family choices together that led to me being the primary child care person in our family. And I did and do feel shame that he did what he did while I was creating this amazing home life.
And lastly I think just as a woman. It has been hard. Yes I know these are his issues but I still feel shame. I know it has nothing to do with me and is out of my control. I have never let myself go. I am a positive, optimistic go getter type of person who rarely complains. But I am ashamed of what he did.
Elle,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your dedication to this site and holding this space open for all of us!!! This site was my lifeline especially in early days when I felt so so lost, desperately alone, and with no where to turn. I did not tell any friends about my situation until about 10 months in and still have not told my family.
Anyway - thank you for your courage, compassion and generosity.
Love
Becky.