So since we've been together hes always been messing around or trying to. It didn't become known to me until may of 2017 when I booted up his old computer with the safe mode and overrode his passwords and started checking all of his accounts. I know it was wrong but I have a strong sense of intuition and I could actually picture him fantasising about someone he worked with. I mean I could actually picture what he was picturing and I felt like I was going crazy. So I point blank asked him who he was obsessed with, because hes known to do this period of course he lied and said no one dear just you. Well a quick Google search and history determined that to be a lie. Everything has been a lie for 7 years. But there's an aspect to this that I'm trying to figure out. All of my friends and family, and a good friend of mine who's a psychologist all say he has aspergers. This psychologist tells me that people with asked burghers really cannot relate to people around them. They are incapable of understanding empathy and other people or being able to understand how someone is feeling until basically they are made to feel that way themselves. So that really complicates things. Is it cheating if somebody only has an obsession and a fantasy affair in their head with someone? I do know the woman and I did eventually figure it out on my own and was able to name her by name and he did admit it. But hes always looking at other people always. And basically just using my body to get his fantasies off on. Honestly if he felt more confident about himself he probably would be a complete horror. I found his old hookup sites, he swears he never posted pictures they are, I made a false account and found the pictures. They were old long before me he says he only did it to look at other people's pictures and do chatting. I kind of believe that because his confidence level is bad. However, he did date a married woman before, and he did cheat on his ex girlfriend. He says that if the woman he was obsessed with had directly hit on him or hooked up with him he wouldn't have done it because he was married. I don't believe that for a second in fact I really question the depth of how far things really went. So fast forward to April 21st 2021 when I started going through his phone again, there was nothing personal in there but there were a lot of deleted things. To me deleted equals cheated.
Now he wants to become a better person and we did get him an appointment for a licenced psychologist and he has an appointment Wednesday night. My problem is that I've kind of lost all feelings for him. I've had to force myself to have sex with him when I didn't want to since 2017. And quite frankly now I'm afraid that I am going to be the one to cheat Like I know right now how horrible I feel about myself and I know that if somebody validated that I was good looking or sexy I would probably fall right off that cliff. The funny thing is I have never been someone who was promiscuous even in situations where everyone was. And it's like now because he has aspergers and can't feel I know the only way that I can hit him as hard as he has hit me is to just have a blatant affair and throw it in his face and say yeah that hurts doesn't it? This is where the advice part comes in period this is obviously a self destructive path how can I possibly hurt him and make him understand what hes done without doing that? The sad part is we own home together we have a four-year-old and he works for a police department so I can't really just destroy our family in front of everyone. But I'm really afraid of staying with someone that I have basically felt repulsed by and to buy and want to cry I wake up at 3:00 in the morning crying, I know I will never trust him for the rest of my life and I really question if I'm gonna put myself in the position where I spend hours going through someone's phone instead of doing something productive.
Update to the email I sent. I asked her relation with him and she replied: Huckleberries. Fresh produce? I've known him for years! Need more, come on over. Have a good one. Then provided her number. He claims he has only known her a couple of months. Even after he heard what the email said. He said she didn't have a phone, and was not provided a number. She has two email addresses. She did not respond to him on one but did the other. She responded to me on the opposite email address, and he claims she told him she doesn't use that one. She responded at 12:30 AM to emails. He responded at 12:30 AM to a text message. I feel like I am losing my mind.
So since we've been together hes always been messing around or trying to. It didn't become known to me until may of 2017 when I booted up his old computer with the safe mode and overrode his passwords and started checking all of his accounts. I know it was wrong but I have a strong sense of intuition and I could actually picture him fantasising about someone he worked with. I mean I could actually picture what he was picturing and I felt like I was going crazy. So I point blank asked him who he was obsessed with, because hes known to do this period of course he lied and said no one dear just you. Well a quick Google search and history determined that to be a lie. Everything has been a lie for 7 years.
ReplyDeleteBut there's an aspect to this that I'm trying to figure out. All of my friends and family, and a good friend of mine who's a psychologist all say he has aspergers.
This psychologist tells me that people with asked burghers really cannot relate to people around them.
They are incapable of understanding empathy and other people or being able to understand how someone is feeling until basically they are made to feel that way themselves.
So that really complicates things.
Is it cheating if somebody only has an obsession and a fantasy affair in their head with someone?
I do know the woman and I did eventually figure it out on my own and was able to name her by name and he did admit it. But hes always looking at other people always. And basically just using my body to get his fantasies off on.
Honestly if he felt more confident about himself he probably would be a complete horror.
I found his old hookup sites, he swears he never posted pictures they are, I made a false account and found the pictures. They were old long before me he says he only did it to look at other people's pictures and do chatting. I kind of believe that because his confidence level is bad. However, he did date a married woman before, and he did cheat on his ex girlfriend.
He says that if the woman he was obsessed with had directly hit on him or hooked up with him he wouldn't have done it because he was married. I don't believe that for a second in fact I really question the depth of how far things really went.
So fast forward to April 21st 2021 when I started going through his phone again, there was nothing personal in there but there were a lot of deleted things. To me deleted equals cheated.
Now he wants to become a better person and we did get him an appointment for a licenced psychologist and he has an appointment Wednesday night. My problem is that I've kind of lost all feelings for him. I've had to force myself to have sex with him when I didn't want to since 2017. And quite frankly now I'm afraid that I am going to be the one to cheat
Like I know right now how horrible I feel about myself and I know that if somebody validated that I was good looking or sexy I would probably fall right off that cliff.
The funny thing is I have never been someone who was promiscuous even in situations where everyone was. And it's like now because he has aspergers and can't feel I know the only way that I can hit him as hard as he has hit me is to just have a blatant affair and throw it in his face and say yeah that hurts doesn't it?
This is where the advice part comes in period this is obviously a self destructive path how can I possibly hurt him and make him understand what hes done without doing that?
The sad part is we own home together we have a four-year-old and he works for a police department so I can't really just destroy our family in front of everyone.
But I'm really afraid of staying with someone that I have basically felt repulsed by and to buy and want to cry I wake up at 3:00 in the morning crying, I know I will never trust him for the rest of my life and I really question if I'm gonna put myself in the position where I spend hours going through someone's phone instead of doing something productive.
I seem to always disappoint myself to stop from disappointing others. I posted a year ago about finding out I had been cheated on 2 years ago. The first time, he came out and told me. It had been an 8 month affair and I thought something was going on but he always said there wasn't and I was paranoid. I knew better but didn't push it. He finally came clean. Said he wouldn't do it again. About 6 months later I was going through his phone and wow! Another woman. Again, he said he would not do it again because he didn't want to lose me. Off and on over the past year I have had moments wondering if he was cheating again. He takes viagra, and he takes more than he would use on me. He says sometimes he doubles up as it doesn't always work.... Right. He is not as interested in being physical just like when he was cheating the first time. He says he's just tired.... cliché I went through his emails and found an email he sent to someone and it started with a simple hi from him. She replied, Hi, how are you? He replied, "doing well. Day off. Trying to find something fun to do." I called him on it and he says it is a rich old crippled lady that had asked him to do some work. He didn't want to come right out and ask to work so that's why he responded the way he did. I find it odd. I don't believe him. I emailed her. I know, I probably shouldn't have as I'm sure I won't get a straight answer from either. Am I being paranoid? Does it seem an odd thing to say? Especially if she asked him to work. Why do I stay? I do not need him for financial reasons. He is not the father of my child, although he has been in his life for 4 years. I don't need him. I want to be with him. But I also know I deserve better and can't keep living like this. I am so lost. And so tired.
ReplyDeleteUpdate to the email I sent. I asked her relation with him and she replied: Huckleberries. Fresh produce? I've known him for years! Need more, come on over. Have a good one. Then provided her number. He claims he has only known her a couple of months. Even after he heard what the email said. He said she didn't have a phone, and was not provided a number. She has two email addresses. She did not respond to him on one but did the other. She responded to me on the opposite email address, and he claims she told him she doesn't use that one. She responded at 12:30 AM to emails. He responded at 12:30 AM to a text message. I feel like I am losing my mind.
ReplyDeleteI don’t know about this one. Isn’t this the mentality that cheaters have?
ReplyDelete