I’ve had a hard time showing up here the past week or so. Like so many, I’ve been gripped by images of protests around the United States and even Canada, where I live. It’s not that I’m not feeling your pain right now. I am. I’m feeling it more acutely because of the clear pain that so many others are feeling right now. My heart feels broken open yet again for a world in pain.
I won’t pretend that I know what it’s like to be Black in the world right now. I have the privilege of growing up in a culture that prioritizes whiteness, that confers upon us status and goodness that we have not necessarily earned. A culture that, largely, protects me. But even with my privilege, I know what it feels like to be betrayed. You know too. And if we’re open to it, that pain we know, that agonizing pain of betrayal, can help us remain open to the pain of others who have felt betrayed for generations. It can help us keep quiet while we listen to their stories. It can, as Nadia Bolz-Weber urges us to do, help us stay curious.
What did you want more than anything in the wake of betrayal? (Except to undo what had happened, of course.) I know what I wanted: Someone to really hear my pain, to not look away, to not wish I were over it, to not imply that my pain was inconvenient or uncomfortable or undignified. I read a quote online this past weekend that resonated: Don’t let those who denied your pain tell you how loud to cry.
The images we’re seeing might look to some of us like an over-reaction. But – oh man! – can I relate to the urge to burn it all down. To act out my rage. When the world won’t listen to our whispers, what choice do we have but to scream.
I am going to count on you, my incredible invisible sisters (and brothers), to keep your comments respectful. I know that what’s happening right now has our emotions heightened. Those among us who are people of color, who belong to marginalized groups, need our compassion right now, not our judgement. They need those of us who’ve been broken-hearted to use that pain, that memory of trauma, to hold ourselves open to their pain. To make space for it. And to understand that their stories hold as much truth as ours.
For those struggling, here are few suggestions for self-care:
•limit your use of social media
•donate to causes that can use your money to amplify their voices
•escape into a book, a movie, a TV show, a hike in the woods
•you are not selfish if you simply do not have room for any more pain right now. You must tend to your own wound first
