Thursday, February 25, 2010

Why Improving Your Sex Life Won't Stop Him From Cheating

The thing about affairs that most people just don't understand is that they're rarely about sex. It seems illogical. After all, it's generally the insertion of male-body-part into female-body-part-that-doesn't-belong-to-his-wife that gets the guy in trouble. And, for those couples who don't really dig deeper for the roots of the affair, it can likely end with that conclusion. That he was after sex and the OW was available for it.
Unfortunately, in the days (and sometimes months and years) following D-Day, many of us wives devote entirely too much brain activity to berating ourselves for what we perceive as our sexual shortcomings: we're not va-va-voom enough, we're not adventurous enough, we aren't available enough, our boobs are too small, our ass is too big and blah blah blah right into crazy-ville.
Yet books and articles featuring expert after expert report that men usually don't cheat for sex but generally for attention, praise, escape, excitement. In other words, things that they could get in their own marriage but aren't entirely sure how to. And believe me, this is not offered up by way of excuse, but explanation. My sympathy for those poor men whose wives just don't appreciate them is...ummm...non-existent.
But when we wives remain focused on the sex itself, we miss the chance to improve our marriages (assuming we haven't already sent him packing!) in ways that are much deeper and more long-lasting.
By all means, have crazy sex if it helps you reconnect (after all the STD test results are in, of course!). But don't delude yourself into thinking that good sex will keep you two connected...or him from straying.

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