Hi Elle and everyone I filed for divorce after meeting my lawyer 2 days back. My son just slept. The past month was a blur. I functioned on auto mode. I spent my day time daily by peeling myself off bed to see to the school run. Then did every thing with my son to soothe his aching heart of missing his dad. We are still staying together but will do all we can to avoid each other. He smashes things daily and basically dirties the place just to corner me to exhaustion from this invisible trauma. The last he did so, I crumbled and halted the divorce. He made me fearful. Brainwashed me into believing someone cast a spell to harm our 'perfect, beautiful family'. This time round, I know God is helping me to fight on. I told God if by HIS permission the spell was working, then free us. Let me lead a blessed life with my son. Let my H be at peace. I have no support from anyone. Funny how a woman like me who had been cheated on twice and basically having a H with used underwear fetish SHOULD CONSIDER HERSELF LUCKY HE DID NOT DIVORCE HER COS SHE CANNOT PLEASE HIM IN BED! Yes, I was told this by a friend, whom I thought was my best friend. My family told me I am really lucky H is still sticking to me. Any other men would have left me long ago... Right. So gaslighting is around me, everywhere. Even my sister told me to lose weight and go back to my pre-marriage weight. This time round, I replied her text that oh...even when there were 5 other guys asking for me to marry them despite being engaged, H has started his exploits with his campus girls. Then I blocked my sister from my phone, just like what I did to my other 2 sisters. So now in my phone's contact, the numbers I have are that of my son's school, my insurance agent and my orthopaedic doctor. Loneliness is an understatement for me. If not for my son loving me so much, I do not know what I would have done. I am in the midst of looking for a home to rent until the divorce is settled. Thank you Elle and ladies...for this platform for me to take heart I am supported. Love Lynn
Lynn, You are a freaking miracle!! To have the strength to respect yourself when all around you are being encouraging you to disrespect yourself is amazing. To have the insight to SEE what's going on around you is unhealthy and toxic is huge. I know how lonely it can feel. But you are doing the right thing for yourself and for your son. You are taking care of yourself in order to be able to take care of him. And you are treating yourself as though you have value, which gives your son permission to treat himself as if he has value. You are breaking the toxic cycle with your sister and your "best" (ha!) friend by refusing to allow them to shame you into staying with someone who hurts you. What they're saying to you says a whole lot about them and nothing about you. So please give yourself a HUGE hug. Remember that you have an army of invisible women behind you cheering you on. You are a warrior, Lynn. And I can't wait until you are in your own home, with your son and you can exhale. You must be exhausted.
Lynn, you have more strength than you know. Stay strong. You deserve so much better than what you have and so does your son. Your husbands sounds like an immature teenager. You will survive this. Good job taking charge of your phone. You just rescinded permission to be your friend. Friends do not treat you like your family and friends treat you. I'm not religious and can't relate to how you feel about this but honestly if you can down size your entire life so that it only includes things you love and that make you smile I suspect you will a lot happier. I've cut relatives out of my life off and on because I just don't need that toxic feedback. Hang on and look forward.
Lynn you are amazing. Hang on to your resolve. We've all got your back here. There are no spells, no evil external forces, only toxic people with their own agenda's trying to get to to fall back in to your usual place. I'm so glad you've begun blocking those toxic people from your life. They deserve no space in it if they are not supporting you from a place of love and acceptance. I know what you are doing is so hard and so, so lonely. But my hope for you is that once you are in your new place, you will begin to feel like you can breathe again. When I had first separated from my now ex husband, the first few days I was so anxious. Then I woke up one morning and I noticed that the sun was shining and I realized that I had not been able to notice the sun was shining in such a long time. And I took a deep breathe and realized the weight on my chest was lighter. Lynn it was like a miracle. I promise you it gets better. Look for real friends who can help you through. I found that through volunteering (but only after I found my feet again - take your time). In the meantime, take care of you. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Keep showing up. And one day you'll notice the sun is shining again.
Lynn I’m glad you are finding your way this is never easy no matter which path we have to take for our own healing! I’m proud that you are choosing you because I too had to choose me and even though our outcomes are different I know that both our paths have been difficult! Hugs for you and your next steps forward!
Hi Elle and everyone
ReplyDeleteI filed for divorce after meeting my lawyer 2 days back. My son just slept. The past month was a blur. I functioned on auto mode. I spent my day time daily by peeling myself off bed to see to the school run. Then did every thing with my son to soothe his aching heart of missing his dad. We are still staying together but will do all we can to avoid each other. He smashes things daily and basically dirties the place just to corner me to exhaustion from this invisible trauma. The last he did so, I crumbled and halted the divorce. He made me fearful. Brainwashed me into believing someone cast a spell to harm our 'perfect, beautiful family'.
This time round, I know God is helping me to fight on. I told God if by HIS permission the spell was working, then free us. Let me lead a blessed life with my son. Let my H be at peace.
I have no support from anyone. Funny how a woman like me who had been cheated on twice and basically having a H with used underwear fetish SHOULD CONSIDER HERSELF LUCKY HE DID NOT DIVORCE HER COS SHE CANNOT PLEASE HIM IN BED!
Yes, I was told this by a friend, whom I thought was my best friend. My family told me I am really lucky H is still sticking to me. Any other men would have left me long ago...
Right. So gaslighting is around me, everywhere. Even my sister told me to lose weight and go back to my pre-marriage weight. This time round, I replied her text that oh...even when there were 5 other guys asking for me to marry them despite being engaged, H has started his exploits with his campus girls. Then I blocked my sister from my phone, just like what I did to my other 2 sisters. So now in my phone's contact, the numbers I have are that of my son's school, my insurance agent and my orthopaedic doctor.
Loneliness is an understatement for me. If not for my son loving me so much, I do not know what I would have done.
I am in the midst of looking for a home to rent until the divorce is settled.
Thank you Elle and ladies...for this platform for me to take heart I am supported.
Love Lynn
Lynn,
DeleteYou are a freaking miracle!! To have the strength to respect yourself when all around you are being encouraging you to disrespect yourself is amazing. To have the insight to SEE what's going on around you is unhealthy and toxic is huge. I know how lonely it can feel. But you are doing the right thing for yourself and for your son. You are taking care of yourself in order to be able to take care of him. And you are treating yourself as though you have value, which gives your son permission to treat himself as if he has value. You are breaking the toxic cycle with your sister and your "best" (ha!) friend by refusing to allow them to shame you into staying with someone who hurts you. What they're saying to you says a whole lot about them and nothing about you.
So please give yourself a HUGE hug. Remember that you have an army of invisible women behind you cheering you on. You are a warrior, Lynn. And I can't wait until you are in your own home, with your son and you can exhale. You must be exhausted.
Lynn, you have more strength than you know. Stay strong. You deserve so much better than what you have and so does your son. Your husbands sounds like an immature teenager. You will survive this. Good job taking charge of your phone. You just rescinded permission to be your friend. Friends do not treat you like your family and friends treat you. I'm not religious and can't relate to how you feel about this but honestly if you can down size your entire life so that it only includes things you love and that make you smile I suspect you will a lot happier. I've cut relatives out of my life off and on because I just don't need that toxic feedback. Hang on and look forward.
ReplyDeleteLynn you are amazing. Hang on to your resolve. We've all got your back here. There are no spells, no evil external forces, only toxic people with their own agenda's trying to get to to fall back in to your usual place. I'm so glad you've begun blocking those toxic people from your life. They deserve no space in it if they are not supporting you from a place of love and acceptance.
ReplyDeleteI know what you are doing is so hard and so, so lonely. But my hope for you is that once you are in your new place, you will begin to feel like you can breathe again. When I had first separated from my now ex husband, the first few days I was so anxious. Then I woke up one morning and I noticed that the sun was shining and I realized that I had not been able to notice the sun was shining in such a long time. And I took a deep breathe and realized the weight on my chest was lighter. Lynn it was like a miracle.
I promise you it gets better. Look for real friends who can help you through. I found that through volunteering (but only after I found my feet again - take your time). In the meantime, take care of you. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Keep showing up. And one day you'll notice the sun is shining again.
Lynn
ReplyDeleteI’m glad you are finding your way this is never easy no matter which path we have to take for our own healing! I’m proud that you are choosing you because I too had to choose me and even though our outcomes are different I know that both our paths have been difficult! Hugs for you and your next steps forward!