When We Show Up: Thoughts on My Heartbreak, My Rules, My Healing Weekend

I'm on my way home from our retreat and – wow – where do I begin?
For a start, can I say how incredible the women of the Betrayed Wives Club are? Smart and funny and warm-hearted and beautiful. The beach house shook all weekend with laughter.
I was also struck by the candor of every single woman. What sweet relief to just call it what it is, yes? No mask. No tight smile. No, "oh I'm fine. Just a little tired." Cause that's the thing, isn't it? Pretending is as emotionally taxing as the reality.
My head, though, is spinning. I took in so many stories. And they ran the gamut. Pretty much every version of cheating was represented. And yet...there was no "other". I'm not sure I've ever been in an environment so devoid of judgement. There was curiosity. Gently phrased "why do you stay" questions, "are you happy?"questions, "have you forgiven?" questions, "am I forever broken?" questions. There were also some hard truths spoken, some prodding offered. It can be an act of kindness to point out to another that, just maybe, there are things she isn't looking at.
One woman called it "love." She said she'd never seen it before, at least not like this. Women showing up for each other, women sitting with another in her pain, women seeing the ache or the choked back tears and reaching out her hand.
It's something of a new experience for me too. I've always been leery of the so-called sisterhood, even as I've envied those who seem to belong. I'd had too many betrayals, too much hypocrisy to trust it. And yet, I saw it in person after years of opening myself to it on this site. And yes, I agree. It looks like love.
So let me say thank you to every one of you who gathers here.
Over the years you've slowly chipped away at my mistrust. You've shown up for each other even as your own hearts were breaking. You've read each other's stories and carried them into your offline lives. One of our secret sisters at the retreat told me that she worries about some who've dropped off, or who still struggle. You all are not just made-up names to her, you're people about whom she cares, about whom she thinks as she goes about her day, her healing.
It's hard to sum up how I feel. I think I'm still digesting it all, still sorting through it. But more than anything that's what struck me. I haven't imagined the love on this site. Or the healing. You all really are as strong as you seem, as kind as you seem, as genuinely invested in each other and in me.
Our little club, the one not one of us ever wanted to join, is a magical place. I created a name and a URL but it's you all who sprinkle the fairy dust every day. You who trusted me, a stranger with a blog, with your most painful secret, and then showed up for each other. To offer advice, to offer comfort, to extend a virtual hug and a "hey honey, hang in there. It gets better."
So again, thank you. It continues to be one of the greatest privileges to witness this magic. The sisterhood is real.