Guest Post: "No" to Resolutions. "Yes" to Me.

by StillStanding1

It’s a new year and, traditionally speaking, an opportunity to start fresh, reinvent, set resolutions, fix yourself, make a new you. There are tons of messages out there promising us weight loss (so, so many), healthier lifestyles, better organization skills, fuller lives if only we do all these things, buy all this stuff, resolve to fix what is wrong with us.

I, however, am saying “no” to resolutions this year. And here's why.

Resolutions and all the surrounding crap leverages internalized messages about how we don’t measure up in order to get us to spend money. The “fix you” industry extracts billions of our dollars. It's more to-dos on an already overwhelming list of to-dos. It sets us up for failure with unrealistic promises and for self-recrimination and guilt when we inevitably don’t succeed. 

It pisses me off. 

Instead of new year, new me, I’m saying new year, same me. The me that survived 2018 is worth celebrating. The you that survived 2018 is worth celebrating. The you that is here reading this post has braved some tough shit and YOU, as you stand in your socks and PJs (or suit, or Lycra), right now, deserve to be celebrated. That’s right. You. 

You who somehow made it to this day. You who packed school lunches when you wanted to stay curled on the bathroom floor. You who showed up for work with a smile, when inside you were dying. You who made the tough choice to leave or stay. You who have no idea whether you're going to leave or stay. You who had to take a day off, call in sick, sit down, cry because you just couldn’t handle any more. You who have had to breathe through triggers. You who have had to help yourself through the pain when your husband couldn’t face it. You who have had such difficult conversations. You who wishes you could just lose that last 10 lbs. You who is chugging Ensure to get some calories in you. You who have spoken truth to bullshit.  You who have dealt with ambivalent husbands who aren’t sure what they want. You who have had to stomach the “I love you but I’m not in love with you” crap. You who has dealt with crazy Other Women and crazy exes. You who is surviving but not sure you can get through another day. 

You who has laughed and for a split second forgotten the pain. You who has enjoyed the snuggles and hugs and successes of your children or grandchildren. You who has noticed the sunshine for the first time in months. You who realized you went a whole day without thinking about your partner’s betrayal. You who fought the urge to stalk the Other Woman’s social media. You who started a new job, a new class, a new side gig. You who opened up and asked for help. You who is starting to see the pinprick of light at the end of the tunnel. You who is starting to believe you are worth it. You who can breathe again most days. You who has extended help and hope to others.

You.

You are a warrior. You deserve a standing ovation. A statue in a city park.

And that is why this year I am resolving to make no resolutions. Instead I am making commitments. 

I am committing to self-care. This does not mean spa days and vacations. This means boundaries, listening to my body and fundamentals such as sleep, water, food, moving my body and seeking healthy human connection. This also means putting my needs first. Ahead of work, ahead of kids, ahead of most things most of the time.

I am committing to showing up. As much as possible, every day, as just myself with my imperfections and being there for the people in my life, showing up for both joy and pain. Doing my best, whatever that is.

I am committing to doing things that scare me. Like trusting. Like letting my guard down, setting my armor aside, admitting I need help, letting people help me, admitting I’m scared, being vulnerable. Like letting go of people, things, ideas and attachments that no longer serve me, despite being familiar.

I am committing to compassion for myself and others. This means accepting me and everyone exactly where we are, as just where we are meant to be, and good enough in all that. Recognizing that others have their struggles that I may not see and they deserve my patience and kindness, just as I deserve my patience and kindness.

I am committing to honesty, with myself and with the people I care about, even when it is hard.

I am committing to growth. Not changing myself. Not fixing myself. Simply growing.

I am committing to remembering who I am: a kickass warrior, a caring, kind compassionate person, a woman with history, heart and lots of love, a person who deserves respect, honesty, compassion and love. 

All paths will take you forward. The trick is remembering who you are.