Not sure if any of you are Bachelorette fans. I've been watching it with my 16-year-old. And when your 16-year-old invites you to spend time with her, even if it's watching a trashy TV show, you say 'yes'. In any case, there's a bachelor who's toxic and, yes, it's probably dramatized for TV, but it's really edifying to see this toxicity show up in a relationship with a woman who's operating in good faith. She keeps trying to get this guy to "open up" and "be honest about his feelings", blah blah blah. And he can't. He's utterly divorced from feelings beyond win/lose.
We started with the last season -- The Bachelor. And, oh yeah, I was like the peanut gallery: "Any guy who says xyz is really telling you that..." I'm like a code breaker with a whole lotta experience. LOL.
Question: the H asks himself ' Why did I give myself Permisson to fo this" what is the right/acceptable answer? What answer will mean we are safe from another cheating?
I think there are any number of answers that could indicate that he recognizes what the cheating was really about. For some, it's a distraction from uncomfortable feelings (loneliness, disappointment mortality), for others it's a way to feed ego, for others it's rooted in childhood stuff. The answer for me wasn't so much an answer at all but a desire to look for an answer. The day my husband told me that he wanted to be a better man, whether I stayed with him or not, was the day that I realized I could stay and rebuild. His willingness/desire to learn better communication, face down some old demons and find ways to be a better partner was an "answer" for me.
Not sure if any of you are Bachelorette fans. I've been watching it with my 16-year-old. And when your 16-year-old invites you to spend time with her, even if it's watching a trashy TV show, you say 'yes'. In any case, there's a bachelor who's toxic and, yes, it's probably dramatized for TV, but it's really edifying to see this toxicity show up in a relationship with a woman who's operating in good faith. She keeps trying to get this guy to "open up" and "be honest about his feelings", blah blah blah. And he can't. He's utterly divorced from feelings beyond win/lose.
ReplyDeleteElle - maybe it was fate that your daughter asked you to watch this season with her. What a great way to talk about the tell tale signs ...
DeleteWe started with the last season -- The Bachelor. And, oh yeah, I was like the peanut gallery: "Any guy who says xyz is really telling you that..." I'm like a code breaker with a whole lotta experience. LOL.
DeleteQuestion: the H asks himself ' Why did I give myself Permisson to fo this" what is the right/acceptable answer? What answer will mean we are safe from another cheating?
ReplyDeleteI think there are any number of answers that could indicate that he recognizes what the cheating was really about. For some, it's a distraction from uncomfortable feelings (loneliness, disappointment mortality), for others it's a way to feed ego, for others it's rooted in childhood stuff. The answer for me wasn't so much an answer at all but a desire to look for an answer. The day my husband told me that he wanted to be a better man, whether I stayed with him or not, was the day that I realized I could stay and rebuild. His willingness/desire to learn better communication, face down some old demons and find ways to be a better partner was an "answer" for me.
Delete