Ah but Kimberly, that's why we explore our darkness. Because none of that nasty stuff can really survive scrutiny. The idea of it is always more frightening than the reality of it. Think of yourself like an archaeologist -- you're examining something with a certain objectivity. What's this? Where did this come from? Do I still have any use for that? Etc.
Tomorrow will be 4 years since my h tried to end his life after a 10 day affair. I wish I knew then what I know now about being bipolar and the mania that is associated with this illness. But as I look back at the darkest time of our lives I realize now that I still probably wouldn't have been able stop it.
When women who are desperate have it in their heads to destroy someone else's marriage there is no way to stop them either. Especially when they have support in doing it. I've gone on and on, on this blog about what happened to us. How my h's pay was being compensated for only making $10 because that is what everyone made in this restaurant. But it was an ego boost for him. How they bought him a futon to sleep on, so that he didn't have to come home because he also worked overnights in corrections. How the manager at the time was calling and texting him what needed to be done that day and never showing up but she herself was embezzling money. The OW who would constantly text and call my h either at home or work and tell him how she couldn't do her job without him. How she bought him a phone to try to keep this secret after I found out about the affair and then got a calling card to continue going after him after we blocked her number on his phone. The emails and phone calls continued more after he got out of the hospital because she lost control over the situation.
How my h during this time was driving recklessly at a high rate of speed. Bought a new truck, days before I found out about the affair and got new credit cards. How his personality changed, his skin color changed, lips were purple and he mixed up his medication trying to sleep. Going to the Dr's the day I found out after kicking him out of the house, asking for help and they gave him Cialis and told him it was all in his head. That the medication he was on that she changed weeks before did have side effects. How I got a letter of restraint after making a scene in the restaurant, on my granddaughter's first birthday in front of all the quests. How these women lied and told the chief that I threatened them, which I did no such thing. But I did tell them they would be held responsible if he ended his life.
The darkness that followed in the next few months was heightened when my daughter tried to kill herself from bulling at school and thinking that she was somehow turning out like these women over some boy that lived next door because her so called friend had dated him and still like him.
When we sold our house and moved across the country to get away from all of this I had contact with the OW. I found out exactly what had really been going and exactly what they had done. Every time this woman opened her mouth she put blame on my h and took none for herself. I realized that she was telling me what she had done and turned it all around to make herself look like the victim. And that includes her telling people he raped her and then denying it. She is now known as a liar and not to be trusted. She is now the puppet for the chiefs of this small Indian Nation in Central NY.
Moving and starting over was the best thing we ever did. Financially it has destroyed us and starting over hasn't been easy. But the darkness from those days are gone. My daughter who also was diagnosed with bipolar has gotten better. My h refuses to take medication for bipolar 1 and has done remarkably better, no depression from a job he hated, how to be a better husband and friend to me. Eating right, exercise and knowing how to get help if he starts feeling that way again For me it's been a little slower in healing. I'm just getting to that point where I conquered a lot of that darkness.
Rustic, My heart breaks for everything you went through but I'm so glad that things are looking up for all of you. As you know, I've watched bipolar disorder in action and it's like a tornado that destroys everything in its path. It's impossible, even with what I know now, to do anything but sound the occasional alarm. It is the responsibility of the person with bipolar disorder to manage it. All you can do is be responsible to that person by being honest and supportive. You are not responsible FOR another adult. My daughter takes medication and it has worked beautifully (fingers crossed that it continues to). It has given us our daughter back and given her a life back. Kudos to you, Rustic. I too feel like I've emerged from that darkness though it occasionally casts it shadow. Mostly though, I feel gratitude that we're not still there. Gratitude for how hard my daughter has worked to become healthy. There was a radio show I heard about a filmmaker from Quebec who had produced a documentary about bipolar disorder. Here's the link. I found it quite interesting. https://www.cbc.ca/radio/tapestry/reconnecting-with-those-left-behind-1.5172644/how-a-bipolar-manic-episode-almost-led-this-man-to-abandon-his-life-to-take-up-a-divine-mission-1.5176004 Thank-you so much for posting this update. I wish you all the peace in the world.
That was very interesting. My h took total responsibility for what he had done. My daughter is on two meds to help her daily. She is a senior in high school and no longer hides in the bathroom. I guess what I wanted to do with this post was to get it out there about being bipolar and maybe help some other woman who has had a husband with this disease. That counseling and meds are nothing to be ashamed of. Both my h and my daughter were on the wrong medications at first. This is why my husband doesn't like being on them but, they have been a life changing event for my daughter. Bipolar 2 is much harder to deal with than bipolar 1 and she handles like a champ. Just like your daughter does I'm sure. I found the blog BP Hope people on twitter who are amazing. The gratitude I feel know, there are no words for. I hope that what we went through and putting it out here helps someone else along the way.
I'm starting to find I'm not liking exploring the darkness ... especially my darkness.
ReplyDeleteAnyone else fear that the new healthy version won't be attracted to the non-healthy version of them?
Ah but Kimberly, that's why we explore our darkness. Because none of that nasty stuff can really survive scrutiny. The idea of it is always more frightening than the reality of it. Think of yourself like an archaeologist -- you're examining something with a certain objectivity. What's this? Where did this come from? Do I still have any use for that? Etc.
DeleteTomorrow will be 4 years since my h tried to end his life after a 10 day affair. I wish I knew then what I know now about being bipolar and the mania that is associated with this illness. But as I look back at the darkest time of our lives I realize now that I still probably wouldn't have been able stop it.
ReplyDeleteWhen women who are desperate have it in their heads to destroy someone else's marriage there is no way to stop them either. Especially when they have support in doing it. I've gone on and on, on this blog about what happened to us. How my h's pay was being compensated for only making $10 because that is what everyone made in this restaurant. But it was an ego boost for him. How they bought him a futon to sleep on, so that he didn't have to come home because he also worked overnights in corrections. How the manager at the time was calling and texting him what needed to be done that day and never showing up but she herself was embezzling money. The OW who would constantly text and call my h either at home or work and tell him how she couldn't do her job without him. How she bought him a phone to try to keep this secret after I found out about the affair and then got a calling card to continue going after him after we blocked her number on his phone. The emails and phone calls continued more after he got out of the hospital because she lost control over the situation.
How my h during this time was driving recklessly at a high rate of speed. Bought a new truck, days before I found out about the affair and got new credit cards. How his personality changed, his skin color changed, lips were purple and he mixed up his medication trying to sleep. Going to the Dr's the day I found out after kicking him out of the house, asking for help and they gave him Cialis and told him it was all in his head. That the medication he was on that she changed weeks before did have side effects. How I got a letter of restraint after making a scene in the restaurant, on my granddaughter's first birthday in front of all the quests. How these women lied and told the chief that I threatened them, which I did no such thing. But I did tell them they would be held responsible if he ended his life.
The darkness that followed in the next few months was heightened when my daughter tried to kill herself from bulling at school and thinking that she was somehow turning out like these women over some boy that lived next door because her so called friend had dated him and still like him.
When we sold our house and moved across the country to get away from all of this I had contact with the OW. I found out exactly what had really been going and exactly what they had done. Every time this woman opened her mouth she put blame on my h and took none for herself. I realized that she was telling me what she had done and turned it all around to make herself look like the victim. And that includes her telling people he raped her and then denying it. She is now known as a liar and not to be trusted. She is now the puppet for the chiefs of this small Indian Nation in Central NY.
Moving and starting over was the best thing we ever did. Financially it has destroyed us and starting over hasn't been easy. But the darkness from those days are gone. My daughter who also was diagnosed with bipolar has gotten better. My h refuses to take medication for bipolar 1 and has done remarkably better, no depression from a job he hated, how to be a better husband and friend to me. Eating right, exercise and knowing how to get help if he starts feeling that way again For me it's been a little slower in healing. I'm just getting to that point where I conquered a lot of that darkness.
Rustic,
DeleteMy heart breaks for everything you went through but I'm so glad that things are looking up for all of you. As you know, I've watched bipolar disorder in action and it's like a tornado that destroys everything in its path. It's impossible, even with what I know now, to do anything but sound the occasional alarm. It is the responsibility of the person with bipolar disorder to manage it. All you can do is be responsible to that person by being honest and supportive. You are not responsible FOR another adult.
My daughter takes medication and it has worked beautifully (fingers crossed that it continues to). It has given us our daughter back and given her a life back.
Kudos to you, Rustic. I too feel like I've emerged from that darkness though it occasionally casts it shadow. Mostly though, I feel gratitude that we're not still there. Gratitude for how hard my daughter has worked to become healthy.
There was a radio show I heard about a filmmaker from Quebec who had produced a documentary about bipolar disorder. Here's the link. I found it quite interesting. https://www.cbc.ca/radio/tapestry/reconnecting-with-those-left-behind-1.5172644/how-a-bipolar-manic-episode-almost-led-this-man-to-abandon-his-life-to-take-up-a-divine-mission-1.5176004
Thank-you so much for posting this update. I wish you all the peace in the world.
That was very interesting. My h took total responsibility for what he had done. My daughter is on two meds to help her daily. She is a senior in high school and no longer hides in the bathroom. I guess what I wanted to do with this post was to get it out there about being bipolar and maybe help some other woman who has had a husband with this disease. That counseling and meds are nothing to be ashamed of. Both my h and my daughter were on the wrong medications at first. This is why my husband doesn't like being on them but, they have been a life changing event for my daughter. Bipolar 2 is much harder to deal with than bipolar 1 and she handles like a champ. Just like your daughter does I'm sure. I found the blog BP Hope people on twitter who are amazing. The gratitude I feel know, there are no words for. I hope that what we went through and putting it out here helps someone else along the way.
ReplyDelete