Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving
to be your best. Perfectionism is the belief
that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect,
we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame,
judgement, and shame. It's a shield.
~Brené Brown
perfection is overrated and exhausting and guess what he cheated anyways. Authentic and good enough is a way better way of life not so suffocating. The house is 75% great, i dont cook tonight cause i dont fedl like it, ok i lay in bed watching Netflix or outside listening tobyhe bitds wuth sun on my face that's selfcare wuthin reason of couse shits still got to get done. Id rather be slap with the truth then kissed with a lie anyday even if it hurts. For those early on know the pain won't kill you even if today it feels like it will. And the flatness of not being able to feel won't last but its needed to allow your body to heal. You will see in color again. You will find sparkle in each day somedays you just have to look harder to see it. Im changed some good. Some tarnished but still standjng. For my warrior princesses that are seasoned and farther along i could not have made it without you. Im passed 5 years out from dday its still here it may always be but its no longer consuming its finally in the rearview mirror most days. Im wounded not broken even with all the fuckery. Im never abandoned and im stronger then i know and have everything i need inside of me. Self-care, pretty toes and margaritas on the rocks. Cheers my prettiest
ReplyDelete❤ I needed this. I didn't realize the "healing" (will that happen?) part would be such a bipolar process.
DeleteWounded, you are an inspiration thank you I needed to hear that today, this past week everytkme I look at my husband I think of him with her and what he did and it churns my gut! I’m only 6 months in and feel like will I feel like this forever I no some part will always be there it’s just trying to move forward is so tricky when I have those thoughts pop in.
ReplyDeleteAlso Elle I’m trying to get a hold of your book the enclyopedia for the betrayed from my local book store and can’t seem to any other way I can?
ReplyDeleteHey Bingo,
ReplyDeleteThe only way, at this point, is through Amazon. I really wish I could make it available through indie bookstores. If you'd prefer, I could sell it to you directly, though I suspect mailing would make it considerably more expensive. It is available as an e-book, which is easiest. Hope you can get your hands on a copy.
Hrmmm maybe an Ebook is the way to go, I just prefer a book with pages lol.. thanks for the offer I appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteAlso I just wanted to ask opinions on family members who don’t agree on you taking the ex back after cheating, my cousin whom I’m extremely close with is repulsed at the thought of him and I and when I talk about him she feels like she can’t hear it because we don’t connect on that level, I don’t no what I can do. It’s very dissapointing but I guess I put those feelings there for her as I told her absolutely everything about the affair it just sucks! Any thoughts ?
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry, Bingo. It can feel really hard when those we need to support us are unable or unwilling to. But here's the thing: "My heartbreak, my rules." You can't force people to accept your choice to stay but I would hope that those who love you can trust that you're making the best choice for you and to be able to acknowledge that good people can make horrible choices. But if they're truly good people, they make amends. Your cousin's response is hurting you, and I hope she can see that and find her way to putting her own feelings aside right now and being there for you.
DeleteHowever, you may just have to accept that she's not capable of that. It's very disappointing. And it's part of why betrayal can feel so incredibly lonely. A lot of people just don't want to hear about it. It triggers their own fears, or they have a very black-white understanding of it. Our culture is clueless when it comes to the reality of infidelity -- it's about hurt people hurting people. Not monsters, necessarily. Just damaged people making bad choices.
I finished your book awhile ago. So well written. So true and eye opening in lots of ways. thank you for taking the time to write it all down for us. 9 mos out, approaching the anniversary date, right before our actual anniversary in a month.
ReplyDeleteI have also found a book "Love Worth Making: How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex in a long lasting relationship" by Stephen Snyder, MD. It has helped me understand some of the possible reasons "how" this happened but not his "why". That's his job. Also some good info on how to rebuild what is left. If I/we had read this sooner, maybe, just maybe.....
Thanks for the kind words, Miss Missy, about Encyclopedia for the Betrayed. And thanks for the recommendation of Snyder's book. Books can often feel like our only friends through this...they are invaluable.
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