Monday, October 12, 2009

Why Women Stay with Men Who Cheat

I was recently interviewed for an article on Why Women Stay with Men Who Cheat. You can read it here.
Of course, the article offers up arguments for both sides -- why a women would simply walk out (for starters, if he plans to carry on the affair) or why she might stay.
The fact that we're asking the question why is indication that society – those who haven't necessarily been in our shoes – are still a bit baffled. Admittedly, I was, too. I've met many many women who've been cheated on and without fail all of them (and me!) had always maintained that infidelity was a deal-breaker. Now?? Not so much...
Damned if I do, and damned if I don't is how many women feel in the wake of discovering their husband's infidelity. If they stay, they fear looking – and feeling – like a doormat, implicitly suggesting that their husband's actions were acceptable. If they leave, they often wonder if they're giving up too soon, or if their kids will be okay (or, perhaps, blame Mom). Either way, they risk regret.
The conventional wisdom is to try to avoid making any big decisions for anywhere from six months to a year, assuming your husband has broken it off (honestly!) and willing to work it out. And assuming you'd like it to work, too. That gives your traumatized brain a chance to start thinking clearly. It gives both of you the chance to take a proverbial deep breath. It doesn't necessarily mean you need to BE together. In some cases, a physical separation can give both of you the space you need. It just means that making the lifelong decision to divorce can be held off until you're absolutely sure.

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