Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Love among the ruins: Healing yourself from betrayal

One friend swam. Each day for an hour, she would pour her heartache into her front crawl, growing stronger each day. Looking back at her daily cleansing, she realizes that she instinctively sought out something that helped her heal from her husband's affair.
Another wrote in her journal, great long entries detailing her agony, her disbelief, her fear of where she would go from here.
I ran. Though I'd given it up for a few years, I suddenly found myself lacing up my runners each night after the kids were in bed. In part because the darkness hid my tears. In part because I just didn't know what else to do with the pent-up anger (well, I had a few ideas, but most of them would have landed me in prison!). And in part because running has always been a form of meditation for me thanks to the rhythmic pounding of feet on pavement.
These rituals of healing can be, quite literally, lifesavers. We re-discover our strength. Or our passion. We work out our boundaries, or devise our plan.
What have you done? Share your stories in the comments section...


  1. After i discovered my husbands affair, i could not sleep or eat for weeks and i needed anti depressants. But then i pulled myself out of it. I began to exercise 3 times a day. At night i would go for long walks before bedtime till finally i was able to sleep without any medication.I lost weight,began getting compliments, which made me feel good. It also got the cheaters attention and he grudingly admmited that i had done wonders! So go for it girls - just get up and do it! Get moving , release those good endorphins , anything is better than sitting around moping and self pitying.

  2. I discovered my husbands affair about a month ago. I don't know if I am dealing with it ok but from what I have read here, I am bound to have highs and lows. On the nights I can't sleep( which are many), I do crafts and I write. I rant and rave and put all my dark thoughts on paper then post them on an anonymous blog I created just for that purpose.

    1. Anonymous,
      Sounds like you're handling this the best you can. There is no "right" way to respond to this but whatever keeps you sane and healthy and moving forward, inch by inch, is a good thing. Thanks for posting.



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