Check out the right margin and you'll see our new Betrayed Wives Club emblem, thanks to StillStanding1, who brought her talent and her love for this site and all of you to the task. She nailed it with her beautiful woman, rooted deeply but reaching for healing. Encircled by the women she is and the others who support her.
You'll also notice that I've linked to Encyclopedia for the Betrayed: Your A - Z Survival Guide for Anyone Who's Ever Been Lied To, Cheated On and Left for Dead. I am so grateful to the women who've ordered the book and those who wrote heartfelt and heartwarming reviews on Amazon. I aim to get this book into the hands of every woman desperate for a voice of calm and wisdom as she deals with the pain of betrayal. Just like I was. Just like you were. Let's make it happen.
xo
The kickass survival site for anyone who's ever been lied to, cheated on and left for dead.
I’m still waiting for my copy! It’s been delayed but on it’s way!
ReplyDeleteDelayed?? What's up with that? Hope it arrives soon.
DeleteMe too! Message said 13-15 for delivery but with Florence who knows!!
DeleteIt came today! I’m so excited to have my copy! I loved the dedication page! Made me tear up with such emotion! Thank you for doing this book!
DeleteSo I’m already reading the n’s and tried to post a review...because this is my first purchase, Amazon doesn’t allow me to post a review! Shame on them! I’m just going to post it here: this is the best book I’ve read along the path of reconciliation with my h and if I hadn’t found this blog, I’m not sure if my marriage would have survived much less be where and what it is now! Thanks Elle! Many hugs!
DeleteThat's awesome, Theresa. Hope it measures up to your expectations!
DeleteI'm proud of how I handled a situation today. In a group of people from work, someone talked about a coworker's divorce being final after 40 plus years of marriage. Turns out her H was cheating for over 10 years and left for the OW. The way it was conveyed felt like gossip, and my heart sank for her. I managed to squeak out how sad and tragic I thought it was and how impressed I was in her ability to do such a good job at work despite her difficult time. (No one knows about my struggles at work). This turned the conversation a little away from the "gossip" feeling I had, but only a little. I wanted to find a way to be supportive, but worried about how to do that without worrying her that everyone was talking about her situation. I decided to give her the book "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F$#@" and just tell her I heard her divorce was final, apologize for not hearing sooner to be able to be supportive, and not mention the infidelity part. She was touched and shared those details with me in person. Then I was able to listen and be supportive about that part of her trauma (which is what I really wanted to do) without alarming her about gossip or making it about me (she still has no idea about me). It felt good to listen to her say all the ways she's trying to rise up and be the better person, but say "I know it gets tiring when you have to do that all the time" and I was able to tell her how much I admire her ability to face work each day through this trauma with such grace... you can all imagine a conversation like that. Anyway, because she shared her situation with me in person, I can now give her Elle's book that I "just happened to find". I can support her without giving up my own secrets (unless it becomes clear I need to for her sake), and I turned what felt like gossip and left me feeling gross into something beautiful. Anyone else have successful interactions like this? It's triggering to hear about these things in other people's lives, so sometimes I feel frozen and not sure how to help at first. It's harder the less intimately i know the person. I dont want to intrude, but I have a gift to share and I want to share it. It's the one thing I've gained from this, so I want to use it!!
ReplyDeleteHi ann
DeleteWhat a wonderful support you are to your friend at work, and the books (especially Elle's) are a thoughtful gift. Unfortunately, since my D Day, I have met too many women who have been betrayed, or/and abused and we have been able to share our stories and offer support. I have found that opening up to these women has also led them to open up and free some heavy thoughts they have been carrying. This is so sad there are so many women (and children out there this is happening to.
Hugs
Gabby xo
I have not had as direct of a situation as that. What I have found is I listen more. I know pre dday I would have chimed in or talked about me. Instead I really try to listen. And I realize now I cannot make it better most likely, however I can be there to lend an ear. Because of my husband's mental health profession I can lean on that when talking with people about situations they find themselves in. Without me saying what I/we have been through I can pull from it but under the guise of us talking about it as part of his work/career.
DeleteI also find that much of what I have learned translates over to my kids too. They do not need to know anything about us but lessons I have learned we talk about as things arise in their lives.
It is nice to feel like some good can come out of what we have gone through. And to help make someone's day a little better means so much. We all have needed that.
Ann,
DeleteI LOVE this. One thing I included in my book (under K for Kindness, Random Acts of) was a story of a woman who paid for a gift card for a running store and asked her therapist to pass it along to another betrayed wife who might benefit from pounding the pavement. I LOVE this idea of paying it forward and I'm so proud of you for handling that situation with such incredible grace and compassion.
Yes, that was me too with the gift card. It's actually a yearly tradition now. I do it every year to mark Dday with my mc. Last year she shared with me that the first gift card went to a woman who decided to stay and repair her marriage and the second one went to a woman who decided to leave. That's all I know, of course, but I love that it's evenly distributed that way and I cant wait to give it a third time. Sometimes when I'm running I imagine them running with me (you all too!)
DeleteAnn, your like a betrayed ambassador of healing and kindness. A mysterious superhero who swoops in and then vanishes. I love it.
DeleteI love the new emblem. Love it to bits. Well done SS1 and Elle for being so generous to allow others to have an input into this site. Such a kind and generous person Elle. Your husband is so lucky to have you.
ReplyDeleteLove and Hugs
Gabby xo
Isn't it gorgeous, Gabby? SS1 is incredibly gifted. I'm so lucky she shares those gifts here.
DeleteThat’s so lovely to hear Ann, you have that gift of ‘me too’ to be able to listen and support your colleague. I love how you made it all about your colleague, I’m not sure I could have kept my secret quiet although I do need to try and listen more without trying to help or fix people. I reckon your colleague will come and find you when she needs to talk things through and if you feel comfortable sharing your story then maybe you can whatever feels right for you Ann. I love to hear positive feedback : ) ..well done Ann .. xxx
ReplyDeleteI remember the lady who did that kind act Elle xx
ReplyDelete