The question follows some concern about anger or about crying or about sex with an unfaithful spouse. It might be about a wedding ring or in-laws or friends.
And the answer, almost invariably, is yes. It's normal.
Normal is, of course, a relative term. What's 'normal' changes dramatically after discovering a partner's affair. Suddenly, normal means crying jags in the employee bathroom. It means sleeping all day, or not at all. It means wanting to punch people in the face. It means not having the strength to make dinner.
It's all 'normal'.
Cause betrayal changes everything. I'm not sure I understood that before it happened to me. Yes, it would change my marriage...but everything?
Yes. Everything.
Because infidelity changes the lens through which we see ourselves and our world. And that changes everything.
Take our friends, for instance. Our "best" friend might not be able to support us as we consider staying with a spouse who cheated. Even those who try to help can end up hurting us further, as they insist we file for divorce, or insist we work it out ("think of your children," we're often told, as if we're not). Helping a friend through betrayal takes skills and diplomacy that many lack.
Take our families, as well. My husband's betrayal broke open old ruptures in my relationship with my mom. In the years after she got sober, we had painstakingly built up a really great mother-daughter relationship. But in my pain, I lashed out at my mom, blaming her. She was the reason I chose a lying cheat, I told her. She had damaged me and so I had chosen a damaged man. And, honestly, my logic wasn't wrong. But if it wasn't for my mother's ability to hear the deep pain behind my words and, rather than get defensive show up for me with compassion, I could have done some real damage.
Take our children. It pains me to consider the ways in which I didn't show up for my kids during that horrible time. There's little to be gained by thinking about it – I cannot, after all, relive the past – but there's no doubt that they were hurt by my husband's betrayal and my response to it, even if they're unaware of it.
Take our careers. I was in the process of publishing a book when D-Day hit. When I could least handle it, I was offered radio shows, TV shows, speaking tours. I did my best to dress up, put on lipstick and consider my options. But I absolutely know that my heart wasn't in it. It was all I could to function let alone unleash my ambition.
The list goes on, of course.
See what I mean? Betrayal changes everything.
But here's the thing: My husband cannot undo what he did. I cannot undo the pain I was in and how I responded.
I can only look forward and learn from the past.
And what I've learned is this: It's all normal.
The crying. The anger. The shock. The confusion. The wanting to leave. The desperation to stay. The wish to turn back the clock. The desire to catapult into the future.
It's all normal.
You are a normal woman responding to, perhaps, the worst pain of her life.
And with that understanding you are free to feel all of it. To, as best you can, not worry if you're backsliding, or minimizing, or dramatizing. To trust that wherever you are today is okay, even if it hurts like hell. To trust the no feeling is forever – not the awful ones, and not the great ones.
And to know that you are stronger than whatever you're feeling right now. That there's a core you deep inside that will carry you into an uncertain future.
It's all normal.
And tomorrow will bring a different normal. And so will the day after that.
One of the strangest, hardest parts of healing from infidelity is how isolated the process is. Not because I'm hiding it (I'm not) or choosing not to talk about it but rather because outside of this blog, there's no one I know whom I can approach for wisdom about what I'm going through and, just as importantly, compassion.
ReplyDeleteThe question "Is this normal?" is on my mind all the time, followed by its cousins: "Am I doing this right?" and "Am I going to be okay?"
Being able to come here and read that the answer to my first question is "Yes, this is normal" gives me hope that the answers to my next two questions might be yes as well.
Yes. And yes.
DeleteChinook, you made me feel a little less isolated just by posting this. I still haven't gotten past being anonymous. Some days I actually feel happy now and visit the site less. Some days are really bad. Today, not so good. I set a deadline for myself to see improvement in my relationship with my husband by the time our youngest goes to college. She graduates this year four years post d day. D-Day was more than discovering an affair. It was a slow disçovery that my husband seems to have some mental health issues. The isolation comes partly from not really understanding him.àt times ,it seems like he is the man I thought I married and we are healing. However, I can not talk to him about anything sensitive- his job instàbility, rapid mood changes, smoking again after quitting. If I express a need I have he often responds "what about my needs?". He has quit counseling and a support group he was in. I feel like I spend a lot of time worrying about everyone's needs but doubt myself. Maybe I used the wrong tone, chose bad timing, or that I am asking too much. Our counselor said he rang up a debt with the damage he caused and needs to work to repay it. When is it enough,? Why do I always feel like I am needing too much? Is there a diagnosis that I should know and understand that I don't....thanks to all on this site that make me feel less isolated
DeleteAnonymous,
DeleteAs you know, I'm absolutely willing to give repentent cheaters a second chance (I'm not in the 'once a cheater...' camp). However, my willingness comes with a lot of expectations. And among those clear expectations, which include cutting off the affair and having absolutely NO contact, is that the cheater seek professional help or a support group. They need to understand why they cheated, take full responsibility for it, and then work to do things differently moving forward.
Your husband's resistance to counselling and a support group sets off alarm bells with me. He clearly doesn't want to face whatever he'll uncover by digging deep into his own heart/mind. And that leaves you with...what? A marriage in which you continue to do the lion's share and he...shows up. Of course, he gets to have needs/wants, too. But in the wake of an affair he must first understand himself and why he cheated. If he's unwilling to face that, then he's not a very safe bet for a better, emotionally fulfilling marriage.
So you have some choices to make: You can choose to walk away, given that you've hit your timeline and he hasn't done what you need him to do and your marriage is not what you need it to be. You can choose to keep the status quo (some days happy, some days not so much). Or you can communicate to him that a non-negotiable condition for reconciliation is that he continue to seek help for his problems and that he seek out a potential diagnosis. My guess is he's scared. My guess is that he knows something isn't right but he doesn't want to hear the problem. Except that you can't solve problems without first naming them. I come from a family with a long list of mental health issues -- depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, addiction, OCD. And it was only when the problems were labelled that we could begin to treat them.
I'm sorry for the situation you're in. I know that feeling of constantly being the caretaker/caregiver for everyone while your own needs go unaddressed. It's time to change that. Prioritize yourself and your wants/needs. Make sure that you're well is full before you offer water to anyone else. It's really hard, when you've spent a lifetime prioritizing others. But you are modelling this behaviour to your daughter who you, undoubtedly, want to prioritize herself. You matter, Anonymous. Your needs matter. Not more or less than others but they matter. Treat yourself like that's the truth.
Anon, I find myself slipping into that same thinking. Basically giving my husband a pass. I have to work really hard to remind myself at least for me that is how our dynamic was pre ddday. It was always he was too tired, he works so hard, his job is so stressful, he is so successful, he makes so much money, he needs his sleep, he cannot figure out what to make for dinner, he does not know what to buy at the store. I could go on. These were excuses he gave and honestly it was our dynamic. He just continued that entitlement with his affairs. We are not dealing with mental illness however even with my husband working hard and his best efforts he has to work really hard to think of others and not be selfish. I have to work hard to prioritize myself. We are at opposite ends. He says since I do everything so well and I am so good at everything it makes him give himself permission to be "lazy". This has been a huge topic with us lately. But I also am working hard to not do everything. I have set out things he has to do and if he does not take initiative I give him a list. One thing that worked for us was to set one time a week we talked. Early on it was only about the affairs. Now it is more about us. That really helped him. Maybe it is an idea you could talk with your therapist about. My therapist was awesome. Basically we would role play and I would practice exactly what I would say to my husband when we would talk. My therapist would give what if scenarios and we would figure out what I would say next. For me boundaries and expectations were hard. I felt like I was being his mother or how much was too much or too little. This helped me a lot.
DeleteHopeful, I think it's a pretty common scenario, thank to a culture that values paid work over unpaid work. Despite my own career, my husband's was prioritized because it produced more money. And because it was prioritized, it produced MORE money while my own did not, given that I frequently put aside assignments due to sick kids, appointments, meal prep, etc. And the cycle continued with my husband feeling entitled to support while he brought in money and my resentment mounting.
DeleteIt took a therapist to point out that I grew up in a family that taught me that my needs didn't matter and my husband grew up in a family that taught him that ONLY his needs mattered. She reminded me that in a healthy relationship, my needs matter AND his needs matter and we need to strike a balance so that each partner feels valued. It didn't matter that my work didn't produce as much money, it was important to me. It continues to be something I have to work on because my default is to just handle everything myself and then resent others for it. I have to consistently ask for help, even if I could do it myself. It has changed my kids' relationship with their father because he has shown up in ways that he otherwise wouldn't have. In spite of his initial resistence, he can now see how lucky he is to have that relationship with the kids and has thanked me for it. So...we all benefit when a family operates in a way that balances the needs/wants of each member.
Elle, I agree I think it is all too common in our society. It is our biggest struggle by far. What is crazy is beyond the financial disparity is the line of work he is in. I have asked him recently if he is capable of being in his line of work, running his business, taking care of himself, being in a marriage/relationship and being a parent. I know he took offense to it. But he still detaches when things are too much for him work wise. And it is both the content of his work and the volume so not just putting in the hours but the talking with people all day and the severity of the issues he deals with. I get it we all need space but I continue to explain to him that I cannot automatically be the backstop while he can come and go. And I know it is tricky when court dates and other things like that come into play that he cannot control. I continue to work to try and find a way to get my point across to him or more importantly for him to figure out what he can change to be more available.
DeleteHopeful,
DeleteI find myself in a similar situation sometimes. We’ve come a long way and I have to remind myself how different things are in many ways. I find that, similar to what Elle mentioned, my default is to just do everything myself. It’s interesting when I try to step back and look at it. I blame my husband’s selfishness on being raised in an environment where everyone jumped when his dad said jump. EVERYTHING revolved around his dad and while he verbalized not wanting a relationship like his parents had, we did settle into a routine where I just handled everything. But for different reasons than him expecting me to do it... I did it because in my mind he couldn’t do it the way I wanted it done. I just did it and he reaped the benefits. And I inwardly resented him for letting me do it all. So in my particular situation, I have to take some responsibility for the role i played in that. As one of my friends at work said to me when we were discussing my frustration with the unequal split of household responsibilities, that if he’s willing to help but I’m unwilling to have it done any other way than my own, that’s a “‘me” issue.
I continue to work at not just doing everything. Sometimes I still feel selfish when I try to make time to do what I want vs. what the rest of the family wants to do. I’ve put everyone else first for so long that taking care of myself didn’t come naturally. But with the new year, I’m recommitting to taking better care of myself and learning that it’s not selfish to do it. And I’m also trying to let go of some of the things that really don’t matter so much when I put them in perspective. 😊
I feel like I should add that my control issues don’t negate my husband’s selfish behavior for many years. I think my previous post came off sounding like his selfishness resulted from what I did. I do wonder how he could comfortably sit and watch me do everything. We’ve had numerous conversations about it and his recollection of how things were is very different than mine. He did once tell me that he thought I enjoyed doing all the stuff because I was so particular about how things were done. I told him that was complete BS and I couldn’t be sure how he actually believed it when it came out of his mouth.
DeleteI do find myself being a much harsher critic when I feel like too much is being put on me. I still have work to do on just saying what I need vs. doing it myself and then complaining about it afterward.
It’s interesting to me that having grown up in a home with a very selfish father, that my husband didn’t recognize it when it started happening in our relationship. And it’s always on my mind that I want my kids to grow up seeing a mutually respectful relationship where my husband and i work together. I recognize that it’s not always going to be an equal split but I would like it to be a relationship where one puts in a little more effort when they see the other struggling and vice versa.
Dandelion,
DeleteYour division of labor sounds a lot like mine...and like many, despite our best intentions. Statistics show that women continue to do the lion's share at home even when we work outside the home and, often, make as much or more as male partners.
Like you, I tended to want things done my way so better to just do them myself, right? Except it certainly led to resentment on my part. I was exhausted. And my husband deduced that his sole responsibility was to create a certain lifestyle (similar to what he'd grown up with -- very gendered division of labor).
One of the better things that came out of rebuilding our marriage was renegotiating that. He is expected to be an equal parenting partner, an equal home partner, etc. We are less likely to place monetary value on our roles (though it's tough...we really are products are how we're raised).
So true, Elle! I saw a post on Facebook that said alluded to how moms who work outside the home are expected to work like they don’t have kids and then parent like they don’t work outside the home. It hit home.
DeleteThis is ongoing for us too. I feel it is a societal issue. Women that are the breadwinners but a large margin still do the majority of the work at home both emotional and actual work. My husband I would say is a master at managing this to his favor. He early on explained that it is not right to impose your expectations on someone else. So if you want your husband to take out the trash it has to be on his time. I agree to a certain extent. My issue is he was never willing to commit to any responsibilities with any regularity except to be the breadwinner. Everything else was when and if he felt like it. I created a list of things I needed done. Some as simple as replacing a light bulb I could not reach even with a ladder. The light bulb was already purchased and ready to go. I gave him a list of items like that and just said here are some things I would like help with when you can. I gave up at 6 months and hired a handyman. Then he said he was bothered I hired someone not because of the money but he thought it was odd I was home alone with someone so young and good looking. This is when things went south with us from my end.
DeleteI do have to work to not just do things. Yes there are a few things I like done my way. But overall I just want help. We have sat down, created lists, all with his consideration. Every time he has an excuse.
He has told me that he feels he is lazy. He sees it. This is without me saying anything. He also feels I do everything better and can never do as much or do it as well as I can. He says I am unique like that. It make me disgusted since whether he feels that way or not is not really the issue. The issue is I have said I want help and let's divide this up. Of course I am not going to have him come home from work when I am already here to meet a worker or delivery but there are a million things to help with running a home, family, life etc.
My next plan is to read Fair Play and start creating a spreadsheet of everything I do. I know his comeback will be an explanation of everything he does all day at work and the many decisions he has to make that impact so many peoples lives and the horrible things he has to hear and face at work. I get it. I am not asking for 50/50 but the helping only when he feels like it or is capable has run its course.
I'm a 72 year old grandmother. My husband is 74 and was recently diagnosed with metastatic prostate cancer. He is a professional with his own business. Next door to his office is a business which makes Latin Carnival costumes. These young women congregate outside his office. He is proud of his skills speaking Spanish. I found a string of texts in his phone indicating an interest in one girl. She is 29. That was D-Day..in May. I got a therapist..so did he..trying to figure out what happened to this happily married, seventy-something couple! Trauma/disbelief/fear/excruciating emotional pain..yet still trying to reconstruct our former reality. I am so glad I found this blog..i get up in fear at night and always find something here to calm me down and adjust to this new normal. Thanks
ReplyDeleteGrambee,
DeleteI'm so sorry. And so glad you found us and that this site is giving you some calm.
I'm glad your husband has sought therapy. Fear/pain/shock are all pretty normal, under the circumstances. I suspect your husband's interest in this woman has a whole lot less to do with her specifically, and a whole lot more to do with your husband's mindset. Affairs are often a distraction from feelings we want to avoid. Or they're an attempt to reclaim a part of ourselves that feels lost. I hope he figures it out.
In the meantime, I hope you're able to focus on your own healing. As you've no doubt discovered, the women here are smart and compassionate and full of wisdom. You are among friends.
Grambee, I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I'm 71, my husband is 76. My first d-day was over 4 years ago. There have been 6 more as the story of his 18 year long-term affair with a woman nearly 20 years his junior, has unravelled bit by bit over those years. Adjusting each time to my new reality has been so incredibly painful. Like your husband, mine has serious health issues too. I'm so glad you sought professional help so quickly. I too have found the support and wisdom of all the wonderful ladies here so comforting. I'm sure this isn't what you ever imagined your "golden years" were going to look like! Hugs, Jenna
DeleteSo here goes nothing. I'm sorry if it's messy and hard to follow.
ReplyDeleteI'm 25 years old and 5 years together with my SO but my story is very unlike - and in some ways not nearly as bad- most stories on here. We're still young and not married, no children, but this is my story. In august, I noticed that our relationship was not as it was, but I was also struggling with my mental health and I thought that it would pass, we were both to blame for the state of our relationship, but it was mostly me who had developed an anxiety disorder and was taking everything out on him. However, end of august he first said that he wanted to end things, which was something he had never said out loud before, but probably been on his mind for a long time. I went to my parents’ house for the weekend to give him time to think, and after a few days he decided it had been a hasty decision and he wanted to give us another chance. I started with therapy and we tried to pick up our lives again. But still, I didn't trust him the way I did before and I was scared of him leaving. He stayed away from home much longer than usual after sports practices, and I saw him getting close with one of his female teammates. He assured me they were just friends and I had nothing to fear, and after asking over and over, and getting the same response I believed him. Beginning of November, he ended things again. He said he didn't want to string me along. However, two days later he came home crying, saying he didn't know what to do. I told him he had the time to figure it out, as I was leaving for a solo trip of a week to work on myself and give him some space two days later. We would talk when I got back and see where we stood. The day I got back he said he still stood by his decision to end things over text, but then he came over and we talked, and he changed his mind again, saying he was willing to work on it after all. The first week he seemed to be really trying, but after that it all went downwards again and three weeks later I decided to move out for three weeks. No contact. After that he had to make up his mind. Two weeks in I texted him and we met up to talk - this was DDay. He told me that, after he ended it the second time, he slept with the female teammate after a party. When I was on my trip, it happened again - I don't know how many times. He thought he had feelings for her, but realized he was dead wrong and it was just an escape from reality and he broke it off immediately when I got back from my trip. He came clean to me one month after it happened, when our relationship was virtually over, because he felt disgusted by his actions and wanted what we had back. He had realized that no other will give him what we have and he wants to work on it. He could have opted out, packed his bags and never told me. But he did, and telling me was the hardest thing he ever had to do. So I decided to give him another chance (thank god that I was three months into therapy at that time, or I would have never been able to cope). We have been doing quite well, I have been doing quite well and I'm so proud of myself for that. I'm finally recognizing my SO again and he seems happier again too. It's a big difference with October - November, when we were trying to make it work pre and post his mistake. However, I'm stuck on one point, and that's why I'm writing this. He still plays in the team with her, quitting is no option as they are on their way to becoming national champions, and they have both played in that team their entire lives. I know she has genuine feelings for him and hoped that he would leave me for her. It's really hard for me to see them play together, or to know he's away for games of practice with her. It's never the two of them alone, but they have to interact and talk and I don't know how to trust him (or her) on that part, and how to cope with this and I really want to hear if any of you experienced something similar and how you coped with it.
Hi Unknown,
DeleteSorry for all that you're going through (including the anxiety disorder) but so glad you're in therapy and that's it's helping you cope not only with your mental health but with the disclosure of your partner's betrayal.
First, let me say kudos to you for doing what you need to do to manage your anxiety disorder. Second, and I say this as a mother to two children with mental health issues (including a severe anxiety disorder), your partner could likely use some help too in understanding how your mental health issues might show up in the relationship and his impulse (it would seem) to bolt at the first sign of problems. You two could look at this as an opportunity it manage issues that undoubtedly show up in any long-term relationship -- how to show up for each other when things are tough. So, couples counselling might be a really good idea.
But I know your question is really about your partner's exposure to this woman.
I'm curious...what does he say? Is he able to acknowledge how difficult this is for you? Can he see how his continued relationship with her (however casual) might make it harder for you to heal from this and learn to trust him again? Can you two work out something (perhaps, again, with a counsellor) a situation in which he doesn't resent you trying to control him but in which you feel heard and like your pain matters?
In most cases, I think there should be absolutely no contact between former affair partners but your case is a bit muddier (to me at least -- others might weigh in with less equivocal responses).
But I'd start by talking to him about it or making an appointment with a counsellor (perhaps your therapist could recommend someone).
Good communication is key to any successful long-term relationship and I think his honesty thus far is heartening...but you two need to work this out.
Hi Elle
DeleteThank you for your response. We have talked about this and he does realize how hard it is for me that they still play on the same team. He acknowledges this but he also does not want to make more drama than there has already been by completely avoiding her, as a large part of the team doesn't know what happened and they were good friend before. They have less contact now, but they do talk the needed minimum. He really just wants to move past this for himself as well because he also had a really hard time accepting/coping with what he did. Sadly, counselling is not an option for him, he refuses point blank. Maybe in the future I might be able to convince him to sit in a therapy session with my own therapist, but for now it's not an option.
I do talk to him about my anxiety - which is related to abandonment - and how it influences my responses sometimes, and he does listen and tries to understand. So between us, things are going okay and i have accepted that he refuses counselling. With the help of my own therapist we try to work it out
I'm not really scared that something will happen between him and the OW, but just seeing them train together or knowing he's somewhere that she is too causes me a lot of pain because it is such a harsh reminder and it brings back so many questions and causes me to go over and over and over things again, and THAT is what I'm struggling with..
When I was engaged to my husband, a friend took me aside and told me why she thought I was making a mistake. What she said was fairly benign. She said that she thought he took up too much oxygen -- in other words that the attention always had to be on him, not me. And though I could acknowledge that my husband had a big personality, I loved that about him. I dismissed her warning.
DeleteFast forward a decade and my husband's "big" personality had pretty much crowded me out of my own marriage. My feelings didn't matter, my wants weren't important, my needs were my own problem. And this was before I even knew about the cheating.
And because I'd grown up in an alcoholic family where that was the status quo -- my wants and needs really didn't matter -- I just figured this was the way it was, even though it made me sad and lonely. I stopped advocating for myself. I was exhausted. I was in therapy -- and though I could see how toxic my husband's family was, he insisted they were fine, that I was the one with the problem and that he did not need therapy.
I make him sound like an ass and he wasn't. He was funny and mostly kind and generous. But he was also selfish and, frankly, mixed up. He'd grown up in a family where his needs/wants didn't matter either but his father's needs/wants were THE most important thing. So he concluded that when he grew up, the father called the shots and everyone else did as they were told. Big mistake marrying me.
Of course, the rest of the story includes me discovering his cheating and him transforming himself -- through therapy and a whole lot of work --into someone who deserves a second chance.
What concerns me is that your partner prioritizes his own comfort over yours. He prioritizes his shame/embarrassment over your anxiety.
I'm also concerned by anyone who refuses therapy. People who think therapy is for other people but not them are often afraid of what therapy would make them face -- they prefer the unexamined life, which is fine until their actions harm someone else and they refuse to face that.
What I hope for you is that you begin to see your wants/needs as AT LEAST as important right now. He made the choice to sleep with that person. And that has consequences if he wants a relationship with you. He seems to want to dodge those consequences, leaving you with additional anxiety, triggers, etc. that he sees as YOUR problem, not his.
I don't think people are irredeemable, though as you've likely discovered, there are plenty of sites that insist nobody deserves a second chance.
What I think is that you two have this opportunity to use this painful experience as a way to build a deeper, more meaningful relationship, in which you learn to communicate about tough things and really listen to each other's pain and then negotiate a solution that doesn't leave one person holding the bag. If he can't/won't do that, then he's giving you really important information about how he will show up in this relationship, especially when things are hard.
Reading this post has helped me realize that everything I'm feeling is normal and I'm not crazy. My husband had more of an emotional affair for just about a year and I found out on December 8th 2019.
ReplyDeleteIts refreshing to know the anger, guilt, sadness, desire to make HIM move out and the desire for him to stay is all normal.
He has ended it with the other girl. She came to him last January telling him that she had feelings for him(they worked together at his 2nd job). I had no idea that they were friends and even worse, I had no idea that they were in "love". I found a google doc that he was writing about his feelings he had for her and it broke me. I left the house, came back a few hours later, physically attacked him and have been feeling like a worthless piece of life every since. I do not wish for my girls to know. They are 16 and 12 and I am trying to keep it as normal as possible for them. My husband did tell them that he betrayed my trust, so I think they know more than they lead on.
I am trying to figure out how to pick up the broken pieces of myself and move past this. I do not want a divorce and I do not want to let this girl who he was "friends" with for 2 years, take away the 19 years we've spent together.
I have my first appointment with a therapist next week and it can't come soon enough.
Kristina,
DeleteI'm so sorry for everything you've gone through. And yes, everything you're feeling is normal. I, too, tried to hide it from my kids but, like your husband, I did let them know that we were having "problems" but that we were working to fix them. Kids can sense tension and I think it can create anxiety to feel like something's wrong but be told that everything is fine. You want them to learn to trust their own feelings/experience so I think you both are handling this appropriately.
I'm glad you've consulted a therapist.
Betrayal is excruciating, as you know. WTH with this girl. Who "confesses" to a married man unless you have really unhealthy boundaries and respect for others (or self!).
I'm glad you found us and I hope you'll continue to realize that you're going to get through this. There are incredible women on this site who've gone through the same pain as you. I know it's hard to believe but you will heal from this.
Thank you so much for your response Elle! I am hoping this emotional roller coaster will eventually come to a hault and I will be able to be truly happy again!
DeleteIt will. I guarantee it. Be patient with yourself. It takes a long time. Notice those tiny slivers when you feel joy or peace. They will grow. And trust that you are stronger than you know.
DeleteSomething about your comment struck me when I found this site. I hope things have improved for you. It's not easy being in this position as you well know. There is that piece of us that says WTF and I don't want to throw it all away. There is also the other side that says I deserve better than this and my kids shouldn't think this is normal. The thing that finally did my marriage in was the empty nest once our kids left. However, I now living my best life and happy. Living with regret and suspicion was not a way to live anymore.
DeleteI just want to say thank you for being here. This is a lonely road to travel and not one I ever imagined I'd be on.
ReplyDeleteslk,
DeleteI'm glad you found us. I created this because that loneliness felt impossible for me. It compounded the pain I felt by making me feel like the only person who'd ever felt it. There's strength in the sisterhood. Keep reading. Keep posting. And trust that there are literally thousands of women who come to this site who know your pain and are on the same road. Invisible sisters.