Paying Attention to the Treasures

So grateful for so many amazing resources, people, things that help me heal. It’s like going on the hardest hike of your life and picking up beautiful treasures along the way. ~@NobleLola

Though I'm Canadian, it's impossible to ignore all the talk about Thanksgiving right now, though our Thanksgiving was in early October. Which is fine. It's never a wrong time to consider one's blessings, to catalogue what we're grateful for, to take stock of what's right in our lives.

It can, however, be challenging. Especially during a pandemic when many of us will be celebrating without the comfort of extended family and friends. Especially when our hearts are shattered.

But it is during those particularly challenging times in our lives, when, for instance, our hearts are shattered, that seeking out and noticing the "beautiful treasures along the way" are all the more valuable. Cultivating an ability to acknowledge treasures when they feel particularly few and far between is key to helping us heal from betrayal. It's key to experiencing a rich, meaningful life.

I was struck, one freezing cold winter morning, just weeks after D-Day, by how beautiful the snow looked on a sunlit day. I was walking my dog, who'd become something of a security blanket to me as I sobbed into his neck on more nights than I could count. But that morning, with the sun's rays dancing on the fresh snow, I found space in my pain to notice. To pause and to pay attention to the beauty. To remember that not everything was horrible.

That moment inspired me to begin paying closer attention to other moments. The sound of my children laughing together, even if I couldn't yet join in their joy. My mother's daily calls to "just check in". The release I felt to stop comparing myself to others because, I suddenly realized, none of us really knew what another's life was like beyond the smiles. I even allowed myself to take pleasure in finally – FINALLY! – losing the last 10 pounds of post-pregnancy weight. Yeah, it sucked that it took my husband cheating on me to rob me of any ability to choke down food. But, yippee! All my favorite clothes fit again.

That spring, I sat outside by myself staring skyward. My husband was out and I noticed that anxiety building. Was he really at a work function? Was he cheating again?

I had no idea. But I could pay attention to just how spectacular the sky looked that night, the moon a fingernail suspended in a black sky, the stars sprinkled to eternity.

I hadn't yet created this site so didn't yet know just how many treasures I would find here. I've forgotten so many of the names but remember the stories. I remember the kindness. I remember the feeling when I got first one reader, then two, then a dozen. I was among people who understood how much pain I was still in. I was among people who responded with such compassion and decency. So unlike a few of the other sites where I felt stupid for remaining in my marriage, where cynicism passed for wisdom.

NobleLola is exactly right. There are so many resources, so many people to help us heal. And she's also right that it is the hardest hike of our lives. Straight uphill in blazing sunlight without a drop of water. But along the way are treasures. Notice them. Cherish them. And share them with others.