Christmas grit is coming up. We have not had Christmas in our home for the last three years. But for the first I'm over it now. I noticed my H is getting a ride in his Karma bus this year as we put up the decorations. He told me Christmas is triggering him. The remorse for lost time with me and his children. The remorse that he was such an asshole for so long. Remorse he wasted so much time on being macho man. Remorse for losing so much due to his selfishness. I'm shocked down to my toes he even said this out loud. I have to tell you it was the best present he ever gave me. Makes me feel damn proud I never stooped to his level. I had my doubts, go out and fuck someone else it doesn't matter. But it does and I'm glad I never gave up on me.
Also my dog had surgery, this was my therapy dog that I just about run his legs off. I slept on the couch with him. My H said come to bed. I said, yes, I want to come to bed but this is called loyalty. It when I want to do something else but do the right thing instead. You don't know what loyalty is and that is sad. Men are not dogs because dogs are loyal. My dog is going to be just find. He never left me, licked my tears and I will never leave him.
That's really amazing, LLP. Not just that your dog is going to be fine (yay!! Long live the dogs who love us!!), but that your husband could articulate his feelings and share them with you. And that you could hear those feelings. I'm really happy for all of you, including Rover.
LLP, thank you so much for your post. I love that your husband is able to articulate his feelings and that you are able to receive them without malice or demeaning yourself. My husband is nowhere near yours in articulating his feelings except that sometimes, when I least expect it and I remind myself to "listen more and talk less", I do get to hear some very deep feelings of remorse from him and deep appreciation of this second chance to have a better life. I completely get your devotion to your dog. I felt the same way about the two dogs who blessed my life until they crossed that rainbow bridge.
LLP I'm so glad your fur baby is going to be okay! My lab kept me going in those early days as well! I'm also glad your h was able to communicate with you and you with him. We're still a work in progress!
LLP thanks for sharing and yay for you to start celebrating the holiday again I wonder though not that he deserves it one bit .. did you tell him that??? Let him know that was the best present he could have gave you .. by no means for his account but to again loosen anything weighing u down. I find compassion hard some days but have also seen how freeing it can be when I allow myself to give it. I'm very happy for you and glad,it dog is ok! Happy Holidays LPP proud of you because you deserve every bit of a happy holiday season.
Christmas grit is coming up. We have not had Christmas in our home for the last three years. But for the first I'm over it now. I noticed my H is getting a ride in his Karma bus this year as we put up the decorations. He told me Christmas is triggering him. The remorse for lost time with me and his children. The remorse that he was such an asshole for so long. Remorse he wasted so much time on being macho man. Remorse for losing so much due to his selfishness. I'm shocked down to my toes he even said this out loud. I have to tell you it was the best present he ever gave me. Makes me feel damn proud I never stooped to his level. I had my doubts, go out and fuck someone else it doesn't matter. But it does and I'm glad I never gave up on me.
ReplyDeleteAlso my dog had surgery, this was my therapy dog that I just about run his legs off. I slept on the couch with him. My H said come to bed. I said, yes, I want to come to bed but this is called loyalty. It when I want to do something else but do the right thing instead. You don't know what loyalty is and that is sad. Men are not dogs because dogs are loyal. My dog is going to be just find. He never left me, licked my tears and I will never leave him.
That's really amazing, LLP. Not just that your dog is going to be fine (yay!! Long live the dogs who love us!!), but that your husband could articulate his feelings and share them with you. And that you could hear those feelings. I'm really happy for all of you, including Rover.
DeleteLLP, thank you so much for your post. I love that your husband is able to articulate his feelings and that you are able to receive them without malice or demeaning yourself. My husband is nowhere near yours in articulating his feelings except that sometimes, when I least expect it and I remind myself to "listen more and talk less", I do get to hear some very deep feelings of remorse from him and deep appreciation of this second chance to have a better life. I completely get your devotion to your dog. I felt the same way about the two dogs who blessed my life until they crossed that rainbow bridge.
DeleteLLP
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad your fur baby is going to be okay! My lab kept me going in those early days as well! I'm also glad your h was able to communicate with you and you with him. We're still a work in progress!
LLP thanks for sharing and yay for you to start celebrating the holiday again I wonder though not that he deserves it one bit .. did you tell him that??? Let him know that was the best present he could have gave you .. by no means for his account but to again loosen anything weighing u down. I find compassion hard some days but have also seen how freeing it can be when I allow myself to give it. I'm very happy for you and glad,it dog is ok! Happy Holidays LPP proud of you because you deserve every bit of a happy holiday season.
ReplyDelete