Using your broken-ness to heal yourself and others

"We are never too broken to help other people,” she said. “That's probably one of the biggest lessons I've taken away.”
~Washington Post


"My advice to you is this – be kind – to yourself and to others. It is the simplest of remedies but remarkably effective. A small, bright act of kindness towards another human being is not only a gesture of existential hope, it also reconciles us with the world, and ultimately becomes the path to self-forgiveness."
~Nick Cave, The Red Hand Files

It's hard to sleep these days. News reports of caged children, of systemic racism, of environmental degradation often keep me wide-eyed and anxious. It's not unlike the early days post D-Day, though my concerns are more existential these days. Either way, however, it feels as though survival is no longer a guarantee. 

The antidote to my despair, I've discovered, is engagement. Not just any engagement – though a night spent among good friends absolutely helps – but going to where the need is great. Specifically, I've been involved for the past few years with various groups that help settle refugees in my city. (I'm in Canada, which opened its doors in the wake of the Syrian crisis and followed up by inviting more Yazidi people than any other country in the world.) 
I help them learn English, navigate the city, make doctors' appointments, get Internet service, source computers and clothing and toys. But mostly, I'm their friend at a point in their lives where they have few. 
What I've learned, apart from how similar we all are and how laughter transcends language, race, culture and age, is that kindness is, perhaps, the greatest force in the world. Not just to transform others' but ourselves.
I see it here, of course. I write often of how humbling and heartening it is to see each of you extend such kindness to others who wash up on our shores. But what you might not yet recognize is that by reaching out to another, by pulling her up, by sharing your story, by simply telling her that you heard her, that her story matters, you're healing yourself. Kindness is balm for the broken heart
It sounds a bit ridiculous, doesn't it? What possible difference can kindness from a stranger make when divorce looms, or gaslighting continues, or you're worried you'll lose your mom?
Except that kindness is ultimately all that matters. It may not be able to change the forces working against us but it can help us withstand them. Kindness tells us something important, something necessary for every single one of us to know: We matter. Our pain matters. We are worthy of kindness, of belonging, of love.
Healing can't happen without it.
So please know that your responses here matter. Indeed, they are what make this a safe, healing space. They remind each of us that out there – maybe across the world – a total stranger is moved by the pain we're in and wants to touch us, to assure us, to wrap us in warmth.
And please know that the kindness you extend, here and in real life, is more powerful than you might realize. When we remember back to the most challenging parts of our lives, those time when we weren't sure we could keep going, it is the kindness (or lack of) that we remember.
Your broken-ness doesn't make you less able to help others, it makes you more able. We use that broken-ness to show up for others, to lay bare our own pain. By showing our wounds, by witnessing others' wounds, we heal, inch by inch, heart by heart, betrayed by betrayed.